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The Phantom, 5/1/26

Look, I’ll admit it: I’ve taken something of a shine to this sailor in his service whites, who’s mildly bonking the Nomad on his head with a nightstick and has decided that he’s got way too much dignity to say “Ignis Vindicta” aloud so he’s just going to call the dude “Mr. Freaky.” I mean, he’s a guard at Guantanamo Bay, so I’m very much not going to look into his opinions about human rights, but I am enjoying his vibes today.

Andy Capp, 5/1/26

I think it’s very funny that Andy Capp, a guy who’s usually badgering his friends and acquaintances for enough money to buy exactly one beer, has apparently also been doing the same thing at the local bank for who knows how long. I think the fact that he hasn’t been hit with an ASBO banning him from getting closer than 100 meters of the bank entrance says a lot about why the UK isn’t the financial industry behemoth it once was.

Shoe, 5/1/26

When you start in on this one, you think, “Uh oh, are we going to learn about the Shoeniverse’s bird-person BDSM scene?” But then you get to the second panel and realize that this is just a joke that was built backwards from an extremely thin bit of wordplay, which comes as something of a relief. Anyway, this guy only likes being emotionally abused!

Mary Worth, 5/1/26

“Mary Worth thinks loneliness and horniness are the same emotion” feels like it’s the key to unlocking a lot of stuff. Not quite sure of all the implications but I’ll be meditating on it all weekend, that’s for sure!

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Gearhead Gertie, 4/23/26

At first glance, Gearhead Gertie seems like a comic about NASCAR, but it isn’t, not really. It’s actually about one woman’s wildly over-the-top relationship to NASCAR, which is a different thing entirely. For instance, imagine an all-too-possible future where oil exports through the Strait of Hormuz are blocked or significantly curtailed indefinitely. Surely the resulting energy shock would have a big impact on NASCAR, a sport entirely dependent on gasoline. But the strip doesn’t even grapple with those implications. Instead, the only thing that matters is how high gas prices would immediately affect Gertie and her tireless quest to consume and enjoy NASCAR content. Why, what if she couldn’t afford to drive to a race? That would be comical indeed. The idea that anything could possibly change the sport itself is as foreign to Gertie as it is irrelevant to the strip that bears her name.

Andy Capp, 4/23/26

You hear a lot of online chatter about how England is a crime-ridden hellhole these days or whatever, but I dunno. Obviously Andy is responsible for a certain amount of antisocial behavior, but most of it boils down to borrowing money from acquaintances and spending it on beer instead of repaying them or his landlord, and any country where that guy is “suspect no. 1” is probably doing pretty well, actually.

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Mary Worth, 4/17/26

Oh, I’m sorry, did you think there were stakes to this storyline? Did you think that losing two hundred thousand American dollars might have some material impact on Harvey’s life? Well, sorry, chumps, this motherfucker’s got ascot money and the whole episode is just kind of embarrassing for him to admit to his daughter, and probably more for horniness reasons than monetary ones. You know what, I’m not just glad “Trixie” escaped the compound; I’m actively glad the money went to a Southeast Asia-based crime lord, who’s at least showing some business acumen by building the compound in the first place.

Andy Capp, 4/17/26

Flo has never really had much character development over the past seven decades beyond “sick of Andy’s bullshit,” so I think today’s strip represents a small victory for feminism, even if the characterization offered is “really smug about not exercising.”

Hagar the Horrible, 4/17/26

“He knows what you Vikings did to Yorkshire and the Shetland Islands — and he wants revenge.”

Blondie, 4/17/26

Notice how Blondie doesn’t recommend Dagwood invest time and energie in their marriage? I mean, what’s the point, really? Anyway, she’s got her Sudokus, so whatever.