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Archive: Apartment 3-G

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Mary turns to the dark side (of not being relentlessly judgmental)

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Apartment 3-G, 2/18/12

Nina appears to be trying an advanced variation on the “smoke yourself thin” technique. Remember, everyone, a low baby birth weight means fewer stretch marks and shorter labor for you! And a host of health problems and cognitive deficits for the baby, but, whatever, let’s focus on the important things here.

Mary Worth, 2/18/12

Ha ha, Toby’s eyes are little pinpoints of rage and disbelief in the second panel. “‘Unhappy childhood?’ Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve spent most of my adulthood married to Ian Cameron, but you give me a 20-minute lecture if I use the wrong fork.”

Pluggers, 2/18/12

Pluggers know that dwelling on how old you are is no way to steer the conversation to a desperate drunken hookup that might stave away the loneliness for a little while.

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Gil Thorp plot to end in an ill-timed plea to get SOPA passed

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Gil Thorp, 2/15/12

Ah, yes, Dirty Girl, a 2010 film that stars up-and-coming indie darling Juno Temple and had a bit of buzz going into the festival circuit, but got disappointing reviews and ended up going more or less straight to video! I’m sure that when Gil pops it into his DVD player later tonight he won’t be confused and angry and ultimately disappointed at all.

Slylock Fox, 2/15/12

Say, kids, rabbits sure are cute, aren’t they? Let’s learn some fun facts about their shitting and puking and sex lives, and about how their teeth are growing, always growing, which instills in them a primal and insatiable urge to bite bite bite.

Apartment 3-G, 2/15/12

Tommie and Margo have never experienced joy, but in their dim way can detect it in others. “Is this the ‘happiness’ we’ve heard so much about? I believe the hu-mans call it … ‘vacation.'”

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Pharming should be phun, not phsad

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Beetle Bailey, 2/11/12

Fans of eroticized but poorly detailed sketch drawings everywhere know that Wednesdays are Miss Buxley Days over at Beetle Bailey! Similarly, we fans of vignettes of elderly marital misanthropy, alcoholism, and sadness (an admittedly much more exclusive fraternity) know that Saturdays are for General and Mrs. Halftrack to confront their rapidly failing bodies and their distaste for one another. For us, the sight of of General Halftrack staring sadly at a cereal bowl full of pills, unable to understand why medical science’s best efforts still can’t stop the pain, is much more exciting than a glimpse of Miss Buxley’s upper thighs.

Mary Worth, 2/11/12

The best part about today’s strip, in which Mary tries to figure out if she should come up with a name for Nola’s voracious appetite for sex and destruction and power or simply murder the woman now for the good of all, is that it’s Saturday and we’re still in mid-dinner. Could this mean that we’ll have another week of Nola’s Guide To Success In Life? What good deeds have we done to deserve such a gift?

Apartment 3-G, 2/11/12

Everyone who loved Nina for her cruelty and ability to strangle people with her mind, and who worried that becoming a mother would make her soft, have no fear: she’s only agreed to incubate this child so that she can make it the ultimate sacrifice to the dread god Moloch.