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For Better Or For Worse, 6/2/06

So after my spittle spewing rant on Liz’s dumbness earlier this week, I’ve stepped back from the brink a bit when it comes to FBOFW. Yes, I think she’s making a choice that’s both hurtful to lots of people in her new home and deeply lame, personal-growth-wise, but you know, people do that sort of thing in real life all the time. What I’m coming to appreciate is the fact that she’s not being sheltered in the narrative from the anger that her decision is causing. It would have been simple to have the Wise Indians of Mtigwaki™ tell Liz that they know her heart is in the south and that you have go where the Great Spirit wants you to go and that one’s family in the most important thing in the whole universe and we all live near our families and so you should too and blah blah blah. Instead, they’re all really pissed at her, as yet another person who’s come to be valuable in their community leaves lets them down and packs up for the Big Smoke. It seems almost impossible that there won’t be some hugging and learning before Liz takes off for good, but it’s nice to see some folks who aren’t two-dimensional villains angry at a Patterson for once.

On the other hand, the pickle jar metaphor troubles me. “If only we could twist off his head and pluck out his emotions! But all we’d really be able to see are guts and gross stuff. Believe me, I tried.” Also, confidential to Ted Forth: Native Canadians ladies are tougher than you. But I suppose that’s not a surprise.

Apartment 3-G, 6/2/06

HOLY CRAP! BEATNIKS! BEATNIKS! BEATNIKS!

Er. Ahem. At least one beatnik, anyway. But you know they travel in packs. This is gonna be so cool. Beatnik! Beatnik in a vest. That’s, like, sick, man.

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For Better Or For Worse, 5/25/06

Now, I’m not one to wish ill on a sweet, innocent young girl, even if said girl is a cartoon character … oh, who am I kidding. Seriously, something pretty bad better have happened to Liz since we last saw her moping, because if she thinks having an important job in an exciting place far away from the stifling omnipresence of her family, as well as two hot guys competing for her affection, constitutes her life falling apart, then I for one will … um … think less of her.

Meanwhile, I’ll bet that Finger Quotin’ Margo has something to say about your use of quotes in your e-mail, April!

Ha, ha, that crazy finger-quotin’ dame! Could you ever get tired of her?

Seriously, I’d like to know. I’d use her every day if I didn’t think it would get boring after a while. I love her that much.

The Phantom, 5/25/06

Meanwhile, in the Phantom, a bunch of guys are getting machine-gunned to death. To which I say: rockin’! But, um, can you actually show people being gunned down by wave after wave of hot lead in the funnies? Those of you who read Scott Adams’ blog may remember that he was forced by his editors to have a cop shooting a donut instead of a pistol so as to keep gunplay out of the comics pages. To, you know, protect the children. And while it seems unlikely to me that lots of children read the Phantom, it seems even less likely that they read Dilbert, so I’m a bit confused.

Finally, some of you have already noted that the Houston Chronicle’s invaluable comics site is down. This appears to be because the site has gone to stripped-down, low-graphics “high traffic” mode because people around the world want to read about how former Enron execs (and local Houston boys) Skilling and Lay are guilty guilty GUILTY. And really, who can blame them? But it means that we comic lovers have to suffer. First they plunge huge swaths of California into darkness and screw over their own employees so that they could have hot-and-cold running Courvoisier in their walled compounds, and now this? When will their reign of evil finally end? Anyway, thanks to the outage, I haven’t read a good chunk of the comics I usually read daily, so if there are any particular gems I missed, I’ll put up a supplemental post.

Update: Well, of course, it came back up five minutes after I put up this post. Anyway, only one really jumped out at me:

Pluggers, 5/25/06

Normally Pluggers is all about kind-heartedness and good feelings, but … check out the look on Mrs. Plugger there. “I’m going to put your tools in the garbage, you over-cholesteroled lump … after you die. Oh, please, God, why won’t he die?”

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Dilbert, 5/23/06

Panel one: Trademark minimalist Dilbert art, straight on. Panel two: Trademark minimalist Dilbert art, at a 30 degree angle. Panel three: Trademark minimalist Dilbert art, through a window. Conclusion: You can dress these drawings up, but you can’t really take them out.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/23/06

For everybody’s who’s been waiting since 1971 for Herb and Jamaal’s take on glam rock-inspired androgyny: at long last, your day has arrived. Note cunning use of passive voice in punchline, maintaining the mystery for all of us, for some mysterious and unfunny reason.

Marvin, 5/23/06

Marvin has spent the last week and half lingering on a “Marvin’s grandfather has become obsessed with Sudoku” storyline so mind-warpingly boring that it makes Gasoline Alley’s DMV-a-thon look like the car chase scene in the French Connection by comparison. (The game has been referred to as “Yunoklu” throughout; I imagine that the reasons for this are trademark-related, because they certainly can’t be humor-related.) Today’s episode does have a glimmer of interest, however, in that blind panic has turned one (and only one) of Grandpa’s glasses lenses blue. If you can explain this, you’re a better comics-explainer than I.

Momma, 5/23/06

Hmm, there’s some odd quoting going on here: “Show biz” is quoted when Momma says it, but not when Francis does. I wonder what Finger Quotin’ Margo thinks of that?

Damn, girl, that’s cold.

Cockroach update: Another freakishly huge representative of order Blattodea in the cat’s dish this morning, leading to a humiliating repeat of yesterday’s pathetic drama. That’s twice in two days; in the 36 months of the food bowl sitting in that exact spot, it had only happened once before that. Are the roaches getting smarter? Are they plotting to rise up against us? I’m disturbed. Anyone have any bright ideas on roach control?