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Mary Worth, 2/14/13

It’s always a dodgy business, trying to translate the contortions of the lumpy head-fronts of Mary Worth characters into real human emotions, but I think Mary looks kind of surprised in panel two by the announcement that this absurd cake contest somehow has the funding to hand out thousands of dollars to its winners. “You earned it! …wait, what? $10,000? I mean we earned it, we earned it, yes, look at me, I have a yellow ‘1st’ ribbon pinned to me, hand over that check, hand over that enormous novelty check to me right now, I was an integral part of this operation.”

Apartment 3-G, 2/14/13

I guess Lu Ann is supposed to be in Texas getting to know her birth mother Ruby better, or maybe in South Dakota trying to mend the relationship with her adoptive family that was always fraught for reasons she never understood, either possibility serving as a fine potential storyline that we will of course never, ever get to see. Nevertheless, it’s fun to see her call in and act baffled about the concept of fire, and her interrobang nicely captures her flailing, agitated confusion. “How could our building catch fire, Tommie!? Are buildings made of flammable material? Who stole the flame-magic from the sky god?” Tommie, meanwhile, is concerned that the Professor is sitting alone in the smoldering shell of their apartment building, wondering about the smell and the draft.

Crock, 2/14/13

It appears that the characters of Crock, having been promised a release from their endless purgatory that has yet to arrive, have simply decided to stop telling terrible Crock-jokes. And more power to them!

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Hi and Lois, 2/11/13

You might think Hi and Lois’s art is simplistic, but it can really convey a lot of emotional depth. For instance, panel two shows just what a crushing psychic burden it is for Hi to even consider caring about other people’s family relationships or personal lives. And panel three shows Lois’s numb horror at the emotional desert her husband seems happy to live in.

Apartment 3-G, 2/11/13

“It’s me, Claire! Don’t sugarcoat it. You know I’ve been waiting for years for Margo to finally die and set me free of her tyranny! Is she conscious? Can I finally tell her what I really think about her without fear of retribution?”

Pluggers, 2/11/13

When pluggers duct-tape cardboard sheets over all the windows, they say it’s so the gummint mind-control rays can’t get in, but really they’re just sick of seeing how filthy their house is.

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Apartment 3-G, 2/8/13

I know I’m usually all about “What Apartment 3-G needs is MORE MARGO,” but I think maybe what with the last few months of this Margo Somehow Is James Bond’s Publicist storyline, maybe we need … less Margo? I have no idea what the current storylines for Tommie and Lu Ann are, for instance, if such things could be said to exist. Meanwhile, Tommie’s been so disengaged that she apparently hasn’t even met Greg, who is Margo’s biggest client, her across-the-hall neighbor, and (I cannot emphasize this enough) one of the most famous and visible movie stars on the planet. But I guess everyone’s going to have lots of time to get to know each other in the coming Margo In A Coma storyline.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/8/13

Now, we all have some fun around here with the fact that Hagar and his merry band are actually brutal, merciless barbarians who make a living off of plunder and murder. But that fact shouldn’t cause us to forget that early medieval Scandinavia was also a violent patriarchy, where women had to choose between subservience and death!