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Gil Thorp, 7/12/25

Hey, remember when Keri was in horse therapy, for their eating disorder? Well, big news: they took their horse therapist Britney to prom! Is that … ethical? Like, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t take your therapist to your prom, but is horse therapy really therapy, like in a professional ethics sense? I guess maybe it is, since Britney was accurately able to diagnose Keri as “sad,” even with no horse present. In the end, maybe this is the real reason why you shouldn’t take your therapist to prom: you will end up having to talk about, like, feelings and stuff, right there in your dad’s minivan, when you should be figuring out how to surreptitiously cop a feel.

Archie, 7/12/25

Ha ha, laugh it up if you will, Archie and Betty, but you have probably gotten Jughead into quite a bit of professional trouble, as all the dogs he’s being paid to care for have escaped, possibly running into traffic! Though I guess Jughead should have anticipated this possibility and not have allowed the dogs to gather at the unlocked front door. Frankly, given how crazed this pack seems, they may have devoured him hours ago.

Mary Worth, 7/12/25

Mary looks positively deranged with excitement in this second panel, proving that for her, there’s no more powerful drug than an opportunity to tell her boyfriend that they won’t be spending any time together for a while.

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Archie, 7/10/25

I honestly enjoy the fact that some nameless gal is clearly scoping Archie and Reggie out in the first panel, and that Reggie reacts approvingly to Archie’s lustful career decision making, rather than with his usual annoyance at his frenemy’s antics. These kids exist in a sea of horniness! At last, the strip is being up front about it!

Luann, 7/10/25

Speaking of seas of horniness, Bernice seems to be approaching a Lucky Eddie situation, vis-à-vis human-on-fish action, and I can’t say I’m as approving of this one. Sorry to be “vanilla,” but I gotta draw the line somewhere!

Mary Worth, 7/10/25

“It’ll be nice to see old friends again! Or rather … young friends! Who are … older now, I guess? But still young? Look, Mary, I’m gonna be real with you, I have taken several Ativans and I am having a hard time finding my bearings in this conversation.”

The Lockhorns, 7/10/25

“Just on his face and arms, though. And I made sure he had tube socks on so his feet stay nice and pasty, the way his OnlyFans subscribers like!”

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Archie, 5/22/25

I dunno, Jughead, that looks more like blood to me. Presumably the LORD will be passing through to smite all those who harbor Archie in their house, and Mr. Lodge is making it clear that He should pass over the Lodge mansion, as it is Archie-free. Bad luck for Archie’s parents, I guess.

Dick Tracy, 5/22/25

“Dick Tracy” is kind of a funny name, but I think that if the comic strip didn’t exist and you were introduced to someone by that name, it wouldn’t cause you to pause and repeat it back with an “um” before it, like you think it’s weird. Especially if your name is “Icarus Lovejoy”! C’mon, man! Icarus Lovejoy!

B.C., 5/22/25

I can’t believe Johnny Hart’s heirs have allowed mention of the metric system in his beloved comic strip. I don’t care if you need to use “meter” to make the Fast and Furious wordplay work! We all know the metric system is the thin edge of the wedge of tyrannical one-world government and must be stopped at all costs.