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Archive: Archie

161

Gonna need a good editor to put this Nitrate back together

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Pluggers, 3/30/26

Wait, so we’re saying that pluggers … don’t like sports? Watching the wildly popular NCAA basketball tournament is non-plugger behavior? Pluggers prefer to pore over their financial statements, like a bunch of fucking nerds? Is that what pluggers have come to these days? This is much more shocking than them being poly now or whatever.

Archie, 3/30/26

I have to say that a dark horse for “most unrealistic aspect of Archie comics” is that Veronica, daughter of the most cartoonishly wealthy family in town, attends the local public school with the plebes. That having been said, this is a decent joke, and in my opinion what really makes it is that it’s Archie who’s been assigned the task of delivering the RSVP, despite the Lodges canonically having a butler.

Dick Tracy, 3/30/26

Oh, hey, I guess we know why Silver Nitrate has had such anxiety since he’s been in prison: turns out he’s a snitch! I sure hope none of his fellow prisoners read the syndicated newspaper comic strip Dick Tracy.

155

Cyber Monday

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Lockhorns, 3/16/26

Every once in a while the Lockhorns will deviate from their usual laser focus on Leroy and Loretta’s mutual antagonism and just do a “Ha ha, Leroy is a doofus” panel, and honestly I don’t care for it. At least this one includes Loretta looking at her husband with an expression of absolute despair, as she reflects upon exactly what type of man she chose to spend the balance of her adult life with.

Archie, 3/16/26

I was a pretty obsessive Archie Comics reader as a kid, but nevertheless there are bits of Archieverse lore that I’ve learned from the twentysomething-year-old newspaper strips currently in reruns. I don’t think I knew that Reggie was the editor of the student newspaper, for instance, nor that he was that classic type of late ’90s/early ’00s tech guy who had the skills to create an interactive website in the Web 1.0 era but was also obsessive about online privacy.

Crankshaft, 3/16/26

“Anyway, the one week I did it on the computer was last week, and it turns out computers are amazing. I’m definitely selling this drawing board, for a lot of money!”

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She really “felts the clods,” if you know what I mean

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/12/26

Oh, I didn’t mention that the Hollywood starlet turned recluse turned runaway in the current Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline was named “Lorna Starr” — because she used to be a star, GET IT???? — but now, in order to go incognito in her new, roots-country-forward community, she’s going by “Mae Mae Clodfelter.” I guess this is supposed to be her actual name, or maybe she’s just decided to go by the most country name she can think of? Either way, I think even in a town where guys named “Buck” and “Truck” and “Mud Mountain Murphy” walk the streets, people are going to think that’s a bit much.

Archie, 3/12/26

I genuinely appreciate the attention the artist has lavished on the breasts of the young woman on the Andrews’ new plasma TV. The whole context lets us know that Archie’s dad really is extremely focused on this latest advance in television technology, and unlike his son doesn’t experience horniness for even a fleeting second.

Hi and Lois, 3/12/26

“OK, well, where did you get this huge bookshelf? Didn’t this used to be in the living room?”