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B.C., 5/30/26

Look, I’m not a scientist, and I’m also not brave enough to have “how do turtles have sex” left in my Google image search history, but I know enough to know they don’t get inside each other’s shells. Their shells are part of them! That’d be gross! It wouldn’t be sexy at all! Also, I enjoy that you can tell in panel one that lady turtle did in fact wax her shell. It’s not just a pick-up line, it was inspired by actual events.

Andy Capp, 5/30/26

“But thanks to Brexit, we no longer have to worry about awkward cross-cultural encounters with dastardly Europeans like these! Now to take a big sip of room temperature beer and check out how the economy of our port city, dependent as it is on imports and exports, has been doing since we left the common market that all our close neighbors belong to.”

Archie, 5/30/26

Not a big fan of that detailed, close-up look at Mr. Weatherbee’s face in panel three! Don’t like it one bit, actually! It’s gonna haunt my nightmares for weeks!

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Archie, 5/28/26

I think it’s very funny that Jughead is first forbidden from playing the drums in … his room, I suppose? … and then decides that the next good place to do it is in the living room right next to where his father is trying to read the paper. I don’t like the idea of Jughead as a musician generally — it requires dedication and the motivation to practice your craft, something that I simply don’t think is in line with his character — but I do appreciate that move.

Crankshaft, 5/28/26

Hey, remember last week when I said Crankshaft was going so far up its own narrative ass that it was at risk for tearing the fabric of the Funkyverse apart? Well, it’s happening. It’s happening! Ed’s about to get vaporized by a blast wave of Hawking radiation and I think that’s swell.

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Rhymes With Orange, 4/9/26

I assume the intended joke here is that George forgot his glasses somewhere else — at his home, maybe, or maybe just in the other room — but I can’t stop imagining a truly nightmarish scenario where when you die you become a spirit cursed to haunt the world of the living but not be perceived by them, and if you had bad vision when you were alive you still do, but you can’t wear glasses because you’re a spectre without physical form and/or you don’t have a nose. Anyway, that ghost is gonna fuck that cabinet, right? That’s definitely what’s on the menu here?

Archie, 4/9/26

Jughead, sad that his conversations with his best friend aren’t as sparkling as they once were, has hired this high-tech young woman to, in his words, “Cyrano” for him, monitoring Archie’s mood on a tablet and relaying instructions into a hidden bluetooth earpiece. Unfortunately, it turns out she may have overrepresented her talents.

Hi and Lois, 4/9/26

Don’t have much to say about the Flagston twins’ specific conundrum here but I do like the expression on the bus driver’s face. That’s someone who’s extremely sick of these kids’ shit. Not sure if it’s about Dot and Ditto specifically or just children in general, but either way I’m enjoying it.

Crankshaft and Shoe, 4/9/26

Hey, uh. Um. How to put this delicately. I think if you’re involved in the process of churning out a legacy comic strip, maybe you … shouldn’t … do jokes that are like, “You know what’s better than a hack writer? AI! Ha ha!” Just, like … don’t give people ideas, you know? About your job?