Archive: Archie

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Dick Tracy, 3/5/25

“You telling me this guy died poor or alone, or maybe under strange circumstances so his family doesn’t know he’s dead and can’t claim him? Sounds like a real piece of human garbage to me. Shame he’s dead so I can’t kill him. I take consolation in the fact that I can still shoot him.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/5/25

I kind of like the fact that the older bird-ladies of Mother Goose and Grimm have tenuous boyfriends rather than being honestly married. Sure, they’re playing the field, but they’re not going to get tied down to a guy if he sucks. And these guys suck, is the joke in like every single strip about them.

Archie, 3/5/25

Check out how genuinely stricken Mr. Weatherbee looks in the third panel here. He really could’ve died! Ms. Beazley’s food is extremely dangerous!

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Marvin, 3/1/25

When I was in graduate school, I was the TA for a class taught by an elderly British professor who was eccentric in ways that were variously entertaining (he took snuff in the middle of lecture, much to the students’ confusion and horror) and off-putting (the class was “Intro to Western Civ” but he built it around four or five specific and obscure topics from ancient Greece and Rome for which the students had no real context but which he found interesting). He wanted no contact with undergraduates beyond lectures, and we were expected to run interference for him. I didn’t think much of him as an educator, as you might be able to tell, but I didn’t wish any specific ill upon him. I later learned that he had, after being married his entire adult life, been recently widowed; because he no longer had anyone to cook for him, he was losing weight, but he also didn’t have anyone to pick out new clothes for him, and so one day, in the middle of lecture, his pants started to slowly fall down. There was a brief moment when my fellow TA and I looked at each other in horror — was it our job to intervene? — but he did eventually realize what was happening and pull them up, continuing to write on the chalkboard the entire time, and nobody ever said anything about it, not even the students, who generally liked to ask about his odd behavior during section in an attempt to avoid talking about the ancient world. This incident made a big impression on me, and I’ve thought a lot about what it says about what happens when you age or when your life circumstances abruptly change, and I bet a not insignificant number of older men go through something similar. So if I were the syndicated newspaper comic strip Marvin, I don’t think I’d be so cavalier about old people losing a bunch of weight and their pants falling down in public, because let me tell you, even though this strip is ostensibly about a baby and his parents, old people are reading it. Old people are all the comics have left! Don’t freak them out!

Archie, 3/1/25

When I was in high school, I was on the speech and debate team, and my senior year we organized a tournament at our school, with us students put in charge of doing a lot of the scut work for it. One of my tasks was to get the trophies, and let me tell you, discovering that you could just go to a store and buy a trophy that says you’re the best debater or whatever completely rewired how I thought about trophies and awards. They’re just things you can buy! They’re not even that expensive! Anyway, as a high school principal, I assume Mr. Weatherbee has a preferred trophy vendor and buys in bulk, and under those circumstances I have to imagine that temptation to do little bits like this would be overwhelming.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/1/25

Not sure why, but I really enjoy the choice to set this cartoon on a plane. They could’ve done the same joke in a restaurant, but this just seems more specific, which I like. I’m sure that smells great in an enclosed space!

Luann, 3/1/25

How’s Luann’s date with some guy named “Phil” or whatever going? Well, good news: she’s been told up front that she will not be getting any action at the end of it, which should really make it an enjoyable experience overall.

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Hi and Lois, 2/27/25

Now, like me, you probably read this strip and immediately recoiled in disgust at the implications: that Chip is in the living room watching pornography on the TV, eyes bugging out and the biggest smile we’ve ever seen on his face, Ditto snitching to his mom about Chip watching porn, his mom saying “He’s 15, he’s old enough to be watching porn, right there in the middle of the living room.” But upon reflection, I’m pretty sure “love scene” is not meant to be taken as a euphemism. Sure, there might be some erotic aspects, but the emphasis in whatever Chip is watching is clearly on the strong emotional connection between two people in a beautiful and mutually affirming relationship. He looks so deliriously happy because his own family is miserable and he’s only now learning that something this wonderful is even possible for human beings to experience.

Archie, 2/27/25

The spit take is a classic comedic bit, but I do enjoy that Jughead is not phoning it in at all here. He looks genuinely disgusted at Archie’s latest romantic crisis; despite the fact that he’s the comics’ #1 asexual/aromantic icon, Jughead sees Archie’s inability to juggle his emotional responsibilities to his two paramours as a skill issue, and holds his friend in contempt for failure to meet the moment.

Bizarro, 2/27/25

You ever think about how someday you’ll die, and maybe afterwards you’ll linger as a spiritual being of pure energy, and also maybe you’ll continue to have some sort of boring office job that involves phone calls that you’ll try to avoid? Better to not think about it too much, as it’s probably not going to make you feel any better about dying.