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Mary Worth, 12/10/24

I guess (for once) Wilbur leaving town is providing us with an opportunity not to see what Wilbur gets up to outside of town but rather to see what happens in the Wilbur-shaped hole left behind. What happens is that Mary is going to make dinner for Dawn literally on her first night alone, which seems a little overprotective, but she might as well learn now that Dawn is now … [extremely dramatic music sting] … VEGAN???? Or, at least she “started a vegan diet,” which implies that she’s doing this as a weight loss thing or a “cleanse” or whatever rather than out of ethical concerns over animal welfare. I know, Dawn doing something wacky for self-interested reasons would be a real shocker. Anyway, Mary was last seen eating a nice salad herself, but presumably it was well-dusted by bacon bits and drenched in a creamy dressing. Could she create an even vaguely edible meal without such crutches? This will be her greatest challenge yet!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/10/24

Speaking of vaguely edible meals, I do “Ha ha, it’s funny because the residents of Hootin’ Holler are crushingly poor!” riffs on this blog not because I think it’s actually funny, but because I find it fascinating that there’s a longstanding syndicated newspaper comic where that’s the background radiation of the worldbuilding (see for instance: patched curtains forming the “walls” within the Smifs’ one-room shack) but it isn’t usually directly addressed, because that would be depressing. But today’s strip, where Loweezy attempts to extend her family’s meager food supply for another day to stave off both boredom and starvation, is a little too on the nose.

Marvin, 12/10/24

“Wait a minute,” I said to myself as I said this. “Why would Jeff have a bunch of pictures of Marvin on his phone? He hates Marvin!” Based on his facial expression in panel three, he’s coming to the exact same realization.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/2/24

I had never really thought about it, but if you had asked me before today, I would’ve told you I was pretty sure that the chickens Snuffy steals from his neighbors by stuffing them into a patchèd sack in the dead of night were still alive when he got home. Like, obviously they get killed eventually but, I dunno, I assumed it was right before the Smifs ate them. But surely if the lumps in that bag represented a live chicken, it would’ve been prompted to move around and squawk a bit by all the commotion in today’s strip, so I guess Snuffy just strangles the birds before they even leave the coop he’s stealing them from, the better to make a silent getaway. Not sure why that makes this whole scene so much grimmer, but I think you can agree that it really does.

Dennis the Menace, 12/2/24

I’m on the record as hating the running joke where Dennis slags on his mother’s cooking all the time. I thought I hated it because of its underlying gender politics, but it turns out I hate it even more because it set up today’s panel, in which Margaret is acting out an ambiguous wife/mother role as she and Dennis “play house” and Dennis experiences good cooking for the first time ever, and it’s so baffling to him he doesn’t even have a coherent vocabulary to describe it, which will change the nature of their relationship forever.

Hi and Lois, 12/2/24

Ha ha, we all know that regular guys (old) are constantly avoiding listening to their wives by watching the “big game” on TV. But what do younger guys (45 and under, a demographic into which Hi Flagston falls) do when their wife wants to “talk about her feelings or experiences that are meaningful to her” or whatever? What if I told you that they avoid all that by watching the “big game” on their [record scratch] PHONES????

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Gil Thorp, 11/13/24

Oh yeah, remember Coach Perm Gerads, who briefly seemed like he might be Gil’s new nemesis but then he got beat up by his own students? Well, this sent him on a downward spiral into madness that delivered him here, his perm now stringy and wild, promising to eat a shoe for the amusement of the sort of layabouts and yahoos who watch local TV during the middle of the day. Gil at one point was doing his own ads for this used car impresario, and if you need to know what this Valley Conference grandee thinks of the relative strengths of the Goshen and Milford squads, run the numbers on the proposed trade here: if Goshen wins, Fox promises to reduce their revenues by 50% indefinitely, which would swiftly bankrupt the dealership, and if Milford wins, Coach Gerards will livestream himself doing something humiliating, which will cost Fox nothing and also bring new subscribers to the dealership’s various social channels.

Judge Parker, 11/13/24

I would’ve thought that Problematic Age Gap Discourse was very late 2023/early 2024, but apparently we’re going to get some in Judge Parker, which is fine because I find Glen’s facial expression in panel one very amusing. Also I will note that he is supposed to be in his early 20s and has shown up for his date with his college sophomore girlfriend wearing a grey suit jacket and a white dress shirt, which may signal a Problematic Coolness Gap that the stubble simply cannot mitigate.

Gasoline Alley, 11/13/24

I feel like “Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids!” is a pretty ominous statement, like it clearly implies that this is the last they’ll see of them, and the final panel really doesn’t fully walk it back. What does Arty the AI know about certain Events that will happen in the next twelve months that will result in these children, and possibly the rest of our species, never seeing Saturn’s rings again? Guess we’ll find out, haha!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/13/24

Finally, after nearly 80 years, “Bunky” has returned to this strip. Who knows what sort of wild, exciting gags this will provide opportunities for? [LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER] Hey, you guys heard about this pumpkin spice stuff? You heard about this?

Dennis the Menace, 11/13/24

Aw, look at Martha’s face! Even after all these years she’s tickled by George’s bullshit. I think it’s sweet!