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Family Circus, 3/12/17

Here’s what you know about the emotional lives of the two younger Keane Kids: Jeffy makes the tiniest noise as he gets into the cookie jar and all he can hear is deafening guilt and anxiety ringing through his skull; meanwhile, PJ contemplates the idea that each of his toes might be a distinct little smiling nightmare creature with cool equanimity.

Beetle Bailey, 3/12/17

Glad to see that Beetle Bailey is continuing to up its game when it comes to Sarge and Beetle’s perverse relationship! Today’s throwaway panels reveal that Beetle definitely views Sarge’s binges as a spectacle for his enjoyment. He plans to nibble on kale and wait for Sarge to come back to him at the end of his gorging process, wobbly and maybe a little nauseous. Hot stuff!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/17

Ah, it looks like Jordan is finally going to be parting ways with the Avery family, who he’s served well, participating in a little light fraud and caring for a man with dementia despite a lack of medical credentials. Heather is now taking Milton back to Britain to fob him off on the National Health Service, and Jordan, having navigated the complex medical ethics involved, will be staying in America to woo his nurse sweetheart. This conflicts with Heather’s plan to make use of Jordan’s seed, so I assume her line in the final panel means that she’ll be using the power of her family’s wealth and influence to ensure that no company will ever hire Jordan again.

Dennis the Menace, 3/4/17

I gotta say, the classic “little kid is threatening to run away from home into the wide world without protection, subject to who knows what horrors” gag seems a lot more menacing when the kid has a real roller suitcase and not a whimsical hobo bindle.

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/17

Killer thought that by having sex with a nun he could live out a fun, transgressive fantasy, but he clearly got more than he bargained for, emotionally.

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Dennis the Menace, 2/19/17

OK, so, the logical reading of this strip, up until the punchline, is that Dennis and Alice went to the bookstore, bought a book to correct Ruff’s bad behavior, then returned home to discover evidence of said bad behavior. But in the final panel, we learn that the book was already in the house, which means that between the second and third panels of the middle row, the two of them brought the book home, left it there, then went somewhere else, then came back again. Right? That’s the only way this sequence makes sense? Unless Ruff chewed the book to bits off panel, as Dennis held it in his hand! The dog’s gone mad, I say! Mad with rage! He won’t stop until he destroys everything his family owns!

Beetle Bailey, 2/19/17

Say what you will about General Halftrack’s leadership qualities, but in the last panel in the second row and first in the third row he proves his skill in dealing with the press by cheerfully answering the questions he wants to answer, not the ones actually asked. The punchline leaves him hanging on his greatest challenge yet.