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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Did he have those custom made, or did he paint them, or what

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Pardon My Planet, 9/24/23

Man, I have to say that I wildly misinterpreted this comic at first, thinking this dude was doing some kind of corporate PowerPoint-type presentation trying to sell his girlfriend on different restaurants. “But Josh,” you’re thinking, “that’s dumb, why would they already have the table set in that case? Why would the pictures be on these roller shades?” I dunno man, it’s Pardon My Planet. It’s full-on madness! Remember the afterlife run by cows? I’m not putting anything past these freaks! Anyway, that would’ve been wacky, whereas this is just depressing. Look at how dissapointed she looks, Jesus.

Beetle Bailey, 9/24/23

Otto is a contradiction: a beast who thinks like a human, but who lacks the physical capacity to do what humans do. Beetle, on the other hand, is a human who leans in to his base and bestial nature, wanting nothing to do with any of the gains we’ve made since standing upright. Together, they will forge a strange friendship.

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High and low

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Rex Morgan, M.D, 9/8/23

The thing about Rene is that he’s just physically incapable of not doing crimes. Like, did he develop a self-improvement philosophy that got roots country’s most notorious bad boy to reform his jerkish ways and create an innovative new revenue stream while still pleasing his fanbase? Yes! But he’s so focused on scams he can’t even take a moment to appreciate — and maybe expand upon — that achievement. Similarly, Rene could’ve just stopped by Buzzy’s office and collected the royalties to which he’s legally entitled — or maybe even settled the whole thing via email — but that isn’t as much fun as violently kidnapping the poor guy and leaving him with a lifelong case of PTSD, now is it? Yes, Rene’s always innovating, whether we’re talking about scams, or more violent crimes like attempted murder, or new bizarre hand gestures like the one in panel two here, where I think he’s trying to point and gesture backwards with his thumb simultaneously and lands on something like “hang loose,” but worse.

Beetle Bailey, 9/8/23

Hmm, you’re saying that in institutions built on a requirement that subordinates obey superiors no matter what, those superiors inevitably use their absolute power for their own personal benefit? Interesting theory, much to think about.

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Deadly Friday

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Judge Parker, 8/25/23

Look, Sophie, your parents might have accidentally kinda sorta agreed, under a certain amount of duress, to assassinate somebody, OK? So we’re going to need a lot more of the classic “I can dispassionately analyze data and am deeply interested in wars and the surreptitious ways states and state-like organizations enact violence to further their interests” Sophie and a lot less of this modern-day “Oh, boo hoo, I’m capable of forming emotional attachments and I worry about the people in my life” Sophie from here on in.

Beetle Bailey, 8/25/23

Big news! They’re finally sending Beetle into combat! It’s not going to go great, I think everyone pretty much knows in advance.