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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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“Conditions” could also refer to access to alcohol

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Beetle Bailey, 6/30/24

Once again, the throwaway panels across the top of this Sunday strip deepen the narrative considerably. Without them, we just have a story about the General giving up on the pretense of fulfilling his job duties once and for all; with them, we see that, having been denied in his own home, he is chasing his obsessive need to practice putting no matter the professional cost. The throwaway panels also really raise the question of why, given that it’s the middle of summer, he doesn’t simply play golf outside, like a normal person, and so we are left speculate that we’re looking at the world in the wake of some environmental catastrophe that rendered outdoor games like golf unplayable.

Mary Worth, 6/30/24

Loving Dr. Jeff’s face at this big reveal in the bottom left-hand panel. “Wait, so this whole thing is about his ex-girlfriend? The one who dumped him once and for all after he let her think he was dead for a week? That’s … that’s worse than just being bereft over a fish! I can’t put my finger on why but it’s definitely worse!”

Marvin, 6/30/24

Ah, what a nice change of pace, a Marvin without a poop joke! Nope, it’s just about Marvin and a bunch of cats getting into a sandbox-related dispute over who has or has not “put down a deposit” and … oh. Oh, I see. God damn it.

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Pray for the fallen

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Rex Morgan, M.D, 6/29/24

Like most observers of Rex Morgan, M.D., I assumed this plot was going to amble on interminably with some low-stakes, low-violence bullying and a lot of philosophical questions about what bullying is and what causes it, but instead our bully has managed to incapacitate and possibly hospitalize poor Parker with a single punch to the gut. At least this will give Rex something to do in this plot, possibly by shaking his head and announcing, stone-faced, “This is the worst case of being punched in the stomach that I’ve ever seen.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/29/24

Whenever we get these “in the field” Beetle Bailey strips, I assume that our characters are in the midst of some kind of war games exercise and haven’t been issued weapons with live ammo. Which means Rocky is probably going to murder Beetle with his bare hands! He looks fuckin’ pissed.

Shoe, 6/29/24

I guess I have to be the keeper of the Shoe knowledge here and make it clear to all that this strip is not in line with established strip lore. Specifically, the Perfesser never smells good. I don’t care if he changes his socks. I’ve seen how he lives. He smells like something died, possibly him.

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Itchy/gross/spinning

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Gearhead Gertie, 6/27/24

I find Gertie’s husband extremely relatable here. Sometimes, when your loved one just shouts jargon from their special interest that just sounds like gibberish to you, you’ve got to use a very basic, widely understood term from the same topic area to simultaneously hook them in but tether them to the wider world. We’ve all been there! Also, I love to relax on the couch after a long day at work and read from a giant scroll.

Crock, 6/27/24

Despite my many jokes about the historical strips, I don’t actually expect Hagar the Horrible to be an accurate depiction of life in Viking-era Scandinavia, nor do I think Crock should adhere to the historical realities of French colonial North Africa; indeed, I recognize that the anachronisms are in fact the intended fun of the strip. That said, I would hope that the strips’ creators would give a little thought to world-building that goes beyond “these guys live in the desert so they have … sand in their underwear? probably?”

Beetle Bailey, 6/27/24

Man, I assumed those particles coming out of Beetle’s mouth in panel one indicated that he had eaten a bit of Cookie’s cooking and was immediately spitting the half-masticated food back into the buffet. But then I learned in panel two that he hasn’t eaten any of the food yet! Which is somehow much worse! Because what is that then