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Crankshaft, 10/9/11

Lucy McKenzie died in a nursing home in 2009, demented and unaware that her jealous vicious harpy sister Lillian had stolen and concealed a letter from her beau Eugene proposing marriage just before he shipped out for WWII. Lucy came back this year to haunt Lillian into taking her to the ruins of the Wisteria Ballroom so she could hook up again with Eugene, as we see here. Aww.

But hey waitaminute. If Lucy and Eugene are both dead, why not just hook up on the Other Side and save Lucy the busfare back? To hear Eugene, it’s pretty damn sweet over there, what with the eternal flowers ‘n’ stuff. And as far as we know, Eugene’s not dead — we saw him in one of those then-and-now flashbacky things back in March, taking flowers to Lucy’s grave. So as long as Lucy’s in the neighborhood, why doesn’t she drop by Eugene’s for a quick haunt-and-cuddle instead of wasting time on this sepia imposter?

Comics are hard.

Sally Forth, 10/9/11

Panel-four Ted embraces the Dark Side, or makes his lucha libre début. You never know with this guy.

Six Chix, 10/9/11

Pluggers: Origins

Slylock Fox (panel), 10/9/11

Weirdly and his accomplice have been using their transporter to loot marijuana dispensaries. That is one stoned monkey.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Spider-Man, 9/2/11

Since we last met our heroic caped webbed crusader, beloved super-spouse MJ has decided to get in on the petulant whining that appears to be her husband’s main joy in life, taking as her theme the Bugle reporter whose refusal to condemn Spider-Man has led to a rather transparent spider-crush on Peter’s part. However, it appears that Serra (is this how the kids are spelling “Sarah” these days? ugh, I hate the future) has traded in her mild affection towards the superhero for journalistic glory; in panel two, we see that J. Jonah Jameson has given her bylines and photo credits at almost the same font size as the banner headline, and all she had to do was fall in line with the publication’s strident anti-Spider-Man stance.

Panel one is notable in that the artist actually takes seriously the notion that MJ is toddling around the apartment wearing spiked heels and skin-tight capri pants, and took the time contemplate how a person so dressed might bend down to pick something up off the floor. (The answer: very carefully.)

Crankshaft, 9/2/11

So, is … is that other lady all right? The one who got hit in the head, with the ball? Enh, never mind her, let’s all just bask smugly in some important lessons about sportsmanship.

Six Chix, 9/2/11

Ho ho, it appears that this woman’s mafioso lover has murdered each of her six husbands in turn! How delightfully droll! We can all relate to this hilHOLY CRAP THAT HAND ON HER SHOULDER ISN’T ATTACHED TO ANYTHING AHHH AHHH AHHH

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Who knew that all this time the Funkyverse was working on a full-on multi-temporal synch-up of (I assume, but it’s a pretty safe assumption) gloom and death? Just as 10 years ago (or 20, or however many years separate Crankshaft and Funky) Cayla accidentally caused permanent brain damage to her opponent, so too in the present will … something bad happen! I think I speak for everyone everywhere when I say that I’m rooting for a repeat of the past and hope that Les will be concussed to death, or at least have his jaw broken so severely that he’ll be permanently unable to smirk. My biggest fear is of course that the scenario will be reversed and that Les will somehow manage to kill Cayla. Having lost two life partners to tragedy, his suffering will escalate to such repulsively high levels that it will tear a hole in the fabric of space and time.

Apartment 3-G, 8/31/11

“Quickly, girl! Are you a gold digger? Are you a whore? Are you barren? I’m old and dying, I’ve got no time for niceties!”