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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/15/20

You know, in the literal century this strip has been in newspapers, it’s been easy to sometimes lose track of what it’s really about, the true meaning of Snuffy Smith, if you will. Sure, most people probably think of it as a vehicle for increasingly baroque FDR-era hillbilly jokes, playing on stereotypes and a visual vocabulary that literally nobody alive today has any first-hand experience with. But today, on Tax Day (observed), Snuffy reminds you of what he’s really all about: he does not pay taxes, and if you know anything about him, that’s what you should know. It’s not like he has some elaborate political theory about being a sovereign citizen or the U.S. government being illegitimate or anything that; he just don’t truck with the revenooers. Screw you, Commissioner of Internal Revenue Charles P. Rettig! Snuffy isn’t paying you shit!

Crankshaft, 4/15/20

Hey. Hey there, comics fans. I know what you’ve been thinking about but are too shy to ask: “How have Ed Crankshaft’s poops been lately?” Well, the answer is regular, real smooth and regular. Also, he doesn’t have any clue about anything that’s been going on in the world, and honestly, I think that’s a perfectly valid trade-off.

Family Circus, 4/15/20

Speaking of poops and things going on in the world, I have no idea if this one was pulled from the Big Family Circus Vault because of its resonance with our modern TP-hoarding crisis or what, but this is definitely the sort of thing that could get a unloved red-headed middle child “volunteered” to a lab as a human guinea pig for testing coronavirus vaccines, just saying.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/20

My Uncle Bob is a bassist who currently plays in a blues band called Bottleneck Bob, but back in the late ’70s and early ’80s he was part of a New York new wave band with Demi Moore’s first husband called the Dates that played at CBGB a few times. Anyway, once in the late ’80s, after he had moved to San Francisco, we were visiting him and watching MTV and I declared that songs with drum machines “didn’t have any soul,” expecting it would be the sort of musical sentiment he would agree with, and he replied, “One thing about a drum machine is that it never misses rehearsal because it’s hungover.” What I’m trying to say is that I’m honestly impressed by how Rex Morgan, M.D.’s country roots country guitarist has found the least edgy reason to be glad to be rid of his drummer that I can possibly imagine.

Crankshaft, 3/27/20

Wow, this whole Crankshaft arc has been a real paean to the importance of the traditional media: That podcaster just asked Lillian a bunch of softball questions, while NPR’s hard-hitting reporter has immediately realized that Lillian is in fact the person who murdered all those people who came into her bookstore.

Hi and Lois, 3/27/20

Boy, this comic sure makes Dot and Ditto look like real pieces of shit who don’t care about their father’s love, doesn’t it?

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Dick Tracy, 3/23/20

Hmm, it seems that Shaky, who’s slowly dying, is just going to bounce from one comical house to another until he finally dies! Today’s he’s visiting his cousin Quiver Trembly, which makes me ask: has there ever been any kind of genetic testing done to determine the origin of what’s clearly a heritable condition of some sort? Anyway, you can tell that Quiver is also into crime because she thinks the answer to everything is cocaine.

Mark Trail, 3/23/20

Big excitement, everyone! The Great Adoption Tryout is underway! It’s better than any reality show! (Side note: if Harvey Camel were still alive and here, he would definitely be live-streaming this.) The mean blond kid is already sitting next to the orphan-hungry Crowleys, and I’m honestly not sure if he’s supposed to be also vying for an adoption or what, but what I do know is that he’s going to sabotage Kevin’s happiness by any means necessary, and I for one am very excited to see what he has up his sleeve.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/23/20

Look, folks, I have to deliver some tough truths: it is not OK to shoot people in the head with a nail gun! I don’t care how many hyperniche musical genres they rattle off at you. Just tell them, in a kind but firm tone, that you could not possibly give less of a shit about what “roots country” is or what distinguishes “rockabilly” from “garage rock.” Violence is never the answer, even under extreme duress!

Dennis the Menace, 3/23/20

Some might say that just being stupid isn’t very menacing. But I would suggest that it’s possible to be so profoundly dumb that you truly are dangerous to yourself and everyone around you, and Dennis is getting pretty close to that line!

Crankshaft, 3/23/20

Say, remember last week’s absolute thrill ride, “Lillian is on a podcast“? Well strap yourself the fuck in for this week’s heart-pounder, “Lillian is on the radio!”