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Hi and Lois, 8/12/18

In this fallen age where we’re all overworked and underpaid and comic strip revenue is dropping and endless digitized archives are out there for the reuse and remixing, I’m always slightly suspicious that anything I’m looking at as a comic strip could be a rerun with new dialogue and slightly updated art. Take today’s Hi and Lois. Obviously the core joke is very of the moment. And I’m not sure if we’re supposed to understand Chuck Green’s “my” as meaning “I invented this” or “I just downloaded it.” But is there any world where the visual stereotype to go with either of those things is “guy with white pants, spray tan, and shirt unbuttoned to display chest hair”? Anyway, feel free to imagine whatever extremely 1982 hijinks were going on here before the phone got dropped into the panel.

Crankshaft, 8/12/18

Today’s strip, combined with this weird storyline from a few months ago, indicates to me that someone on the Crankshaft creative team has finally noticed that low-margin retail banking is no longer a profit center for financial institutions and that they’re increasingly trying to cut costs through automation. Unfortunately for the financial services sector, they pissed off someone with access to the unparalleled reach of syndicated newspaper comics. Feeling that burn, Big Banks?

Spider-Man, 8/12/18

Shout-out to Peter Parker for taking time out of his busy being-tied-up-and-ineffectual schedule to notice that Suwan has a feisty nature and a great ass. “Oh, yeah! Shake that thang while you argue with your uncle! Daddy like!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/12/18

Thanks for putting quotes around “Elvis,” Rex Morgan, M.D., narration box! Without them, we might’ve briefly wondered if we were looking at the real Elvis Presley, and that would’ve been exciting, or at least interesting!

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Mary Worth, 8/11/18

I can’t really tell if Brandy is doing a jokey “Ha ha, I certainly hope you’re not gonna dump me” thing or is genuinely on a real emotional roller coaster here with Tommy. I also know Tommy is nervous about starting this conversation with Brandy, but I think that asking her to suddenly sit on the ground in the middle of this running path isn’t really the best of all possible ideas. It’s also possible that he’s abruptly decided, upon being called “lover boy,” that he is going to break up with her afer all.

Crankshaft, 8/11/18

I thought I was going to be mad that Lillian is covering like a solid 10 percent of her laptop screen with Ann’s card for no good reason (hey, Lillian, did you know you can put someone’s contact information inside the computer???) but then I realized that her word processor (?) has for mysterious reasons truncated her book’s title page? And has truncated it using three periods to represent two letters???? RAGE … RAGE …

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Crankshaft, 8/3/18

OK, so here’s everything in this Crankshaft storyline that hasn’t prompted me to discuss it: Lillian came to some kind of publishing industry convention to find an agent, and she ran into a lady determined to be a book agent who’s never had have any clients but was determined to find one at the convention, which … is not how you become an agent, I’m pretty sure? I think you actually go work for an agency, and you help the agents there and then you get promoted? Anyway, said aspiring agent lady informs Lillian that she’s schizophrenic and used to be homeless and did some interviews with a newscaster when she was on the streets, which newscaster of course was Cindy Summers because the Funkyverse is a tightly wound nexus of coincidence. I learned this from an unofficial history of Funky Winkerbean (hosted by Angelfire! Angelfire is still up, everybody!) that also lets me know that this lady, who went by “Apple Annie” on the streets but now goes by “Ann Apple,” had a particularly poignant interview with Cindy after losing a friend on 9/11 (I am dearly sad to have missed the 9/11-themed Funky Winkerbean storylines, you guys). Also Lisa had a French roommate that Les described as looking “like Juliette Binoche, but cuter,” but that’s a story for another day!

Anyway, all that has not prompted me to write about this dumb Crankshaft plot, but here’s what did: “I think you have the write stuff.” See, it’s a joke because “write” sounds like “right.” Sounds exactly like “right,” in fact. They’re homonyms. They’re spelled differently because they have different etymological origins, but in spoken language you can only distinguish them from context. And in the context of the phrase “the right/write stuff,” you’re going to immediately assume the phrase is just “the right stuff” because that’s a very common expression. This doesn’t work! It doesn’t work at all and I’m so very angry about it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/3/18

This is as good a time as any to remember that Doris, Buck’s abusive ex-wife who shot him in the head with a nail gun, did some dry humping or what not with Rex back in high school. Anyway, shoutout to Rex for being conveniently vague in panel two!