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Crock, 10/17/11

It may demolish everything you hold dear to hear this, but, when I go on vacation, I often don’t catch up on many of the comics that otherwise make up my daily rotation. I mean, obviously I need to keep up to date on every bizarre moment in Gil Thorp (OMG THERE IS AN ASPERGER’S SYNDROME STORYLINE YOU GUYS FOOTBALL SEASON MAY GET GOOD/HORRIFYINGLY ILL-CONCEIVED YET), but, you know, I usually don’t feel like I really need to check in with all the Crocks I missed just for completeness’s sake. And yet today’s installment left me scrambling through the archives, desperate to figure out if, as the word “still” in the opening word balloon here implies, that there was some sort of ongoing plot involving the two hotbox prisoners finally going insane due to heat and isolation. But no, there’s no explanation, really, except maybe this, which only makes sense if the prisoners in the hotboxes are also vultures. Which seems insane, but, when you think about it, no more insane than the idea that one of the hotbox prisoners is having a psychotic break in which several cultural touchstones from the 1980s and 1990s merge together to form some kind of spectacularly unfunny punchline-like utterance. But focusing on the details here causes us to miss the important big picture, which is: don’t do drugs, kids, for serious.

Spider-Man, 10/17/11

I understand and respect those who simply cannot work up the energy to deal with newspaper Spider-Man on its incredibly inane terms, but really, panel two does remind me why I love it so. I’m trying to parse precisely what kind of dumb Spidey is supposed to be exhibiting here; my guess is that he truly believes that MJ has spontaneously acquired spider-sensing powers, which comes as an enormous shock to him because he knows better than anyone else that his supposed supposed spider-sense doesn’t actually exist.

Slylock Fox, 10/17/11

Fun fact for you: frogs and toads are no longer considered distinct groupings by biologists. The order Anura embraces all frogs and toads; any species of that order that lives most of its life on land is labelled a “toad,” but these species don’t have a single common ancestor distinct from the common ancestor of everything in Anura. I found this out while doing a bit of research to come up with a joke about this strip. Slylock Fox may call itself “Comics for Kids,” but I’m 37 years old and I still learned something from it! So I feel a little churlish pointing out that today’s puzzle’s solution hinges on something of a scientific inaccuracy, and furthermore that said solution focuses on the amphibian life cycle and yet the illustrative comic includes a frog with a belly button.

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Crock, 9/13/11

Usually it’s difficult to impossible to get more than basic plot information out of most of the squiggle-things that make up your average Crock, but I have to admit that the facial expression in panel two of today’s installment really sells the joke for me. Sigfried (side note: did you know that the librarian in Crock is named “Sigfried”? I didn’t! It’s always a joy to realize that the comics still has hidden gems like this to discover) looks genuinely stricken as he confesses his hatred of reading. His hypocrisy must really tear him up inside! It’s either that or, as near as I can tell from the relative heights of the characters in panel one, he’s in agony from standing on his knee-stumps.

Ziggy, 9/13/11

Hello, luddites across the world! Is there piece of modern-day technical wizardry that baffles and terrifies you? Don’t worry, the offending inscrutable character-sequence will be clumsily integrated into a Ziggy joke, for your amusement. Ha ha, take that, “http://,” whatever the hell you are!

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Shoe, 8/26/11

Today’s edition of “Overthinking It” comes courtesy of Shoe, because I can’t stop looking at the front left leg of that SNAX machine, dangling as it is just past the edge of the Treetops Tattler’s treetop newsroom. At first I thought the arrangements of all the legs might be a physical impossibility, but if you squint you can sort of imagine a twisting three-dimensional cylinder occupied by that tree bough that might allow the arrangement that we can see here. More difficult to picture is a scenario in which the Perfesser somehow managed to stand precariously on that narrow limb, his arms barely able to wrap around the truly obscene number of snax-pax he’s purchased, and still somehow manage to put coins into the machine and fish more bags of potato chips out of the bottom slot. Still, all of this shouldn’t take away from the hilarious punchline of the strip, which is that the Perfesser is a paranoid lunatic who resents and fears the newsroom vending machine even as he compulsively pumps his meager earnings into it.

Beetle Bailey, 8/26/11

Based on recent evidence, it appears that Beetle Bailey is attempting to appeal more strongly to its core audience of angry old drunks. I’m glad I didn’t have to run that focus group.

Crock, 8/26/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because … people … read electronic books now? No, wait, it’s funny because not a single person involved in the creation of Crock has any idea what a “download” is.