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Panel from Apartment 3-G, 11/18/07

“Well, not Hollywood per se; more like the San Fernando Valley. But close enough, right?”

One of the many joys of reading Apartment 3-G is seeing the art make all the characters squarer than their actions would suggest by about a factor of ten. In what other universe would the dude at the right — with his Brylcreemed hair, dorktastic mustache, and bright blue sweater over a white dress shirt and brown tie — be a heartbreaking, lothario bad boy?

Panels from Curtis, 11/18/07

I’m sure it’s lucrative work, but I’m really glad I’m not Curtis’ court-appointed psychologist.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/18/07

Yes, Niki … exciting … more … to … God, I can’t even type this anymore.

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Hey kids, sorry for my late and lame updates so far this week … I’ve been guest-blogging at Wonkette, which is fun but kind of emotionally draining. I’m done, though, so I promise that today will be the nadir of lameness. I don’t even have the energy to deal with rape humor in Crankshaft or Rusty’s ass in Judge Parker, but I urge to check out the thoughtful comments on both on yesterday’s post.

Curtis, 10/24/07

Actual religious affiliation of past stars:

• Lucille Ball: One of inner circle of the first six Scientologists.
• John Wayne: Zoroastrian all the way, baby!
• Jerry Mathers: Early proponent of wicca. Felt the beaver was his “power animal.”

Herb and Jamaal, 10/24/07

I’ve tried before to distill Herb and Jamaal to its squishy, nonspecific essence, but today’s installment convinces me that I have more work to do. Here’s my best shot:

Herb (or Jamaal): “Hey, Jamaal (or Herb), something incredibly nonspecific that seems to vaguely relate to pop culture!”

Jamaal (or Herb): “Response that implies I know what you’re talking about even though that’s really not possible … stretched over two panels!”

Jamaal (or Herb) or Herb (or Jamaal): [Wry thought balloon.]

Then, of course, comes the butt sex.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/24/07

Philosophical question: Is “the urge” still “the urge” if it doesn’t contain the words “the urge”? Whichever way, there’s something delightfully unsettling about this one. “I have plenty of time to scream … NOW THAT I’VE KILLED THEM BOTH! MU HA HA HA!”

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Gil Thorp, 10/11/07

Oh my God, wait: Oregon? Too big to hide? Need I remind you what I found when I went Google image searching on “Culver Vale”?

“Gah, I’ve got to hide somewhere … I know, I’ll hide behind this Oregon flag! Wait, you can still see me … if only I weren’t so big … too big to hide…”

Comics are submitted to syndicates weeks in advance, so as much as I’d like to believe that the creators of Gil Thorp are stealing ideas from me in some sort of insane feedback loop, I know that’s not the case. But maybe they are generating their plots out of Google image searches and free association, in which case I say: kudos, sirs, kudos.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 10/11/07

This may well be the most esoteric TDIET ever, moving the strip away from its usual petty domestic gripes and towards a world-theory of aesthetic ethics. “E. Hennenfeld” is obviously a longtime observer of Portland’s fine arts scene, and is a fierce subscriber to the vision of art as a life-encompassing construct. How dare Pistachio offer a minimalist vision in his painting that isn’t reflected in his home? Is his home not as much an artifact — and thus a work of art in a true sense — as the canvases that hang in museums? By refusing to live his artistic philosophy, he reveals himself to be nothing but a hack and a fraud. It’s heady stuff, but hey, bitter waitresses and verbally abusive husbands aren’t the only people with gripes, OK?

Curtis, 10/11/07

I don’t mean to get in the way of a good hairy feet joke, but isn’t Michelle’s whole schtick that she’s snooty and rich? She gets driven around by a chauffeur, sneers at Curtis’s plebian pizza joints, etc., etc. Surely her mother could afford health insurance, yes? Also, doesn’t one usually check into rehab because one can’t stop taking the medication, not because of the medication’s unexpected side-effects? Also … aw, the heck with it. Ha ha! Hairy feet! I know what she’s been doing with those feet.

Pluggers, 10/11/07

Good lord, Rex Morgan is a plugger! I don’t think any of us were expecting that.