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Dennis the Menace, 3/22/24

The most menaced person here is the guy in the background, who spent all day hand-painting this snazzy retro “Information” sign and was just about to proudly show it off to his boss. You just know she’s going to be like “Enh, the kid’s right, maybe it’s a little much.”

Tina’s Groove, 3/22/24

Diving into the world of Tina’s Groove, I’m finding that it’s not just about Tina’s friend, who’s an alcoholic, but actually about alcoholics in general.

Mary Worth, 3/22/24

Jeff, Mary, I can assure you pretty firmly that Gandhi and Desmond Tutu did not have a comfortable retired couple looking out at the moonlit ocean from the boardwalk of their exclusive beachside community in mind when they said these things. I implore you to research what they were actually talking about! You’ve got the free time!

Beetle Bailey, 3/22/24

“He’s super dead. We’re free, Killer! Free!”

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Hagar the Horrible, 3/16/24

That’s Hagar’s mother-in-law as the presiding judge up there, by the way, and really the only way this strip would make sense or be funny to you at all is if you knew that, and also knew that she hated him, and that represents … well, I guess I don’t know how many “casual” comics readers are left, but I’m going to go ahead and say it represents a relatively small portion of potential readers. But whatever! I got the reference! I am for better or worse the intended audience of this strip and I have to make peace with that. Anyway, look how happy Hagar’s wife and children are about his impending legal dilemma? He must have done something truly monstrous, this time.

Dennis the Menace, 3/16/24

What makes this one actually, genuinely creepy is that Dennis is not just using a hammer to blindly smash; no, he recognizes that a tool can be used in many ways, to probe for weakness, to find the seams, to wreak destruction in a dozen ways, both subtle and blatant. Seems menacing! Seems real menacing if you ask me!

The Phantom, 3/16/24

The Death Of The Phantom lasted seven years, and the Phantom Had A Weird Dream Last Night lasted about a month; I can’t imagine we’re going to be able to get more than week out of This Guy Just Wants Dick Around On His Phone And Drink A Little, Why Won’t The Phantom Just Leave Him Alone.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/5/23

“Oh, posh,” you’re probably thinking, “Surely a tech whiz like Spc. Chip Gizmo would simply use a password manager to keep track of all his login information.” Sorry, wrong, this fundamentally misunderstands the nature of the Beetle Bailey universe. Chip Gizmo arrived in the strip in 2002 in response to the increasing popularity of these newfangled “computers” and, like all the other characters, has not evolved or changed or learned anything new since the day of his creation, so he’s never heard of a password manager. (Beetle was created in 1950, which is why he naively assumes that any complex piece of machinery must surely come with an instruction manual explaining how to operate it.)

Dennis the Menace, 3/5/23

“Older than I was when we got here. The linear flow of time and the operational state of our bodies only move in one direction, and that direction points us straight towards death. Feeling menaced yet, doc?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/23

SPOILER ALERT: It’s piss, everybody! He’s an old man who’s been stuck in that chair all night, and the thing he needs to do is piss.