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Hagar the Horrible and Wizard of Id, 12/15/15

Most comic strips begin their existence as the singular creation of an artist or artist-writer pair; but once it runs for long enough, it becomes an institution, and often hired hands are brought in to do the actual day-to-day work on the strip. The personnel decisions that happen behind the scenes — at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, say, or the lesser known Parker Hart & Associated Anachronistic Whimsy Professionals responsible for the unholy B.C.-Wizard of Id-Crock trinity — are opaque to us, and all we’re left with, if we’re regular comics readers, is the occasional disquieting realization that “the strip looks different.” Which is a long way of saying that Hagar the Horrible and Wizard of Id look different to me this week. Is this true for anyone else? Anyone? At least we can take solace in the evidence that the writing of the strips is staying true to their original vision: to put references to contemporary issues in imagined versions of our brutish past, in order to show that our present remains just as violent beneath its thin veneer of civilization.

Dennis the Menace, 12/15/15

Dennis is self-aware enough to know that he’s constitutionally incapable of pleasing a monotheistic God who judges humans against some absolute morality, or even of currying favor with a watered-down version like Santa. He’ll be happy to make a deal with a much older form of folk spirit, one with an agenda at once more opaque and easier to accommodate. The tooth fairy doesn’t care if you’ve been bad or good; the tooth fairy operates on a plane entirely removed from whatever ethical system you use to define those terms. The tooth fairy just wants your teeth.

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Mary Worth, 12/10/15

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mary and Olive’s Manhattan tourism adventures. At the moment, they’re taking in the smash Broadway musica Matilda, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book, about a little girl with the ability to move objects with her mind, and … say, Mary, what are you on about here, exactly? So far, Olive’s unusual powers have been somewhat passive in nature: angelic visions, premonitions of danger, that sort of thing. But soon her powers will be turned outwards. Soon, all of us will wish we never heard the name “Olive” — and Mary will be there, each step of the way, pulling the strings.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/15

Like many people throughout the ages who have encountered evil that they’re unable or unwilling to stop, Mr. Wilson is finding comfort in the idea of a supernatural being in charge of a system of rewards and punishments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/10/15

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley’s current bizarre fixation on scrapbooking, but this is the fifth time in two weeks I’ve featured the strip here, which is more attention I’ve paid to this feature since Slim tried to ethnically cleanse his neighborhood with a meteorite back in aught-seven. Anyway, today’s baffling detail is the WFW, which doesn’t seem to be an abbreviation for any particular sports league. Potential definitions offered by Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary seem unlikely, though hilarious.

Momma, 12/10/15

That is not Thomas and Tina

That is Francis and MaryLou, and they are not married, they are brother and sister

Exactly what kind of sick incest roleplay is happening here

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Dennis the Menace and Beetle Bailey, 12/7/15

These are, in my opinion, some solid prompts for philosophical discussion. If we conceive of our lives as an endless series of journeys towards some specific destinations, don’t we ignore the charms and possibilities of the intermediary space we pass through, every inch of which is itself a possible destination? Similarly, why do we discount the third of our lives we spend asleep? It’s largely opaque to us, but is it possible that sleep is really what we’re for, and we only wake up when we can’t sleep anymore? Anyway, A+++ work this Monday, guys, feel free to spend the rest of the week slacking off with mild jokes about children who don’t understand that you shouldn’t repeat rude things your parents say about their friends and/or the tragedy of physical abuse in our armed forces.

Judge Parker, 12/7/15

Much as I would like the Spencer-Drivers to all be arrested at once after a long investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission and IRS working in tandem, I’m assuming Neddy is about to get a ticket for her semi-competent operation of this huge behemoth of a motor home. You know, in some countries, monetary fines don’t have set amounts but are instead calculated based on the offender’s income, on the logic that otherwise the rich would be able to, say, speed or run lights with impunity; this can result in very wealthy people being handed six-figure traffic tickets. The practice is almost unheard of in the U.S., and it’s too bad because otherwise the local municipality here would have its budget covered for the next decade.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/7/15

Haha, yes, fish that’s of such high quality that you can eat it raw, that’s definitely like everything else on this list here!