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Herb and Jamaal, 5/8/08

Thank goodness Herb and Jamaal is at last casting its penetrating eye on our political process, using its typical rhetorical strategy of making sure that nobody and nothing is mentioned by name, or with any identifying features of any kind. “CANDIDATES MAKE NEW PROMISES!” Heavens to murgatroid! What won’t these slimy politicians do to achieve elected office of some sort? They probably also “EXPLAIN POLICIES” and “ATTACK OPPONENTS!” They’d better watch out, though, because they might get “EMBROILED IN SCANDAL” or “QUESTIONED ON CONTROVERSY!”

Actually, you know what? That’s pretty much how most of political coverage in the newspaper really goes. Now I’m depressed.

Dennis the Menace, 5/8/08

So, will Dennis “disappear” in the sense of “sold to some shady Albanian businessmen and end up cleaning toilets in a mansion in Dubai?” Or in the sense of “entombed in concrete and dumped into the resevoir?” Alice’s face seems to indicate a certain detached curiosity, but little else.

Momma, 5/8/08

I’m not sure what the little dots in front of Francis’s half-crossed eyes in panel two are supposed to represent, but I think Momma may have just punched him in the face.

Pluggers, 5/8/08

Some kind of meat … little salty … tastes a little like chick–OH MY GOD HAROLD OH MY GOD

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Hey, it seems like a lot of the comics put out by King Features did an Earth Day tribute today! Let’s take a look at three of the strips that took this very nice day when we should be thinking about the environment and made it sick and wrong.

Mary Worth, 4/22/08

Mary Worth may actually be the strip that most successfully incorporated the holiday into its inner milieu, since it provides a perfect platform for Mary’s suffocating sanctimony. “So, what did you do, Toby? Oh, had dinner with some friends? Breathing the precious oxygen that the tree I planted is putting out? Well, that sounds nice, if frivolous.”

Beetle Bailey, 4/22/08

Beetle Bailey willfully and horrifyingly misconstrues the concept of tree-hugging, which is nothing new for this strip. Today we’re forced to contemplate repulsive man-on-tree sex of the sort usually reserved for the most depraved hentai comics.

Dennis the Menace, 4/22/08

Dennis the Menace actually just added a new, Earth Day-friendly caption to a pre-existing comic in which Dennis takes Joey to secluded forest clearing and forces him to dig a shallow grave for himself.

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Mary Worth, 4/10/08

So, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Mary is starting to get her meddle on in earnest with this poor dying old woman, and … AAAAH! WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS SHE DOING TO DONNA AMALFI’S HAND? You might think she’s just offering a moment of human kindness to a patient, but cast your mind back to one of Mary’s first real meddle sessions with Vera last year:

Obviously, Mary uses some kind of diabolical finger-manipulation technique to open the minds of her victims up to her hateful, counterproductive suggestions. RESIST, DONNA! RESIST WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!

Dennis the Menace, 4/10/08

Oh look, Dennis is walking barefoot through raw sewage. And, as is his usual wont, he’ll no doubt track through the house. Delightful little scamp!