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Mary Worth, 10/3/22

Ahh, after a little stalling, it’s a new Mary Worth plot, and it looks like we’re finally going to see the magic that makes the unstoppable Iris-Zak love story work. So far we have “Iris hangs on Zak’s every word and lavishes him with attention to try to make him happy” and “Zak has whole conversation with Iris that he just forgets, probably because it’s more efficient to use that brain space for coming up with new apps.” Sounds promising!

Dennis the Menace, 10/3/22

Dennis’s blank, uncomprehending look, combined with Alice’s sly smile, has completely upended the meaning of Dennis the Menace for me: it’s actually a Munchausen syndrome by proxy situation, but for menacing. Who do you think is carefully feeding Dennis all those rude things he “accidentally” blurts out in front of the party guests? Truly chilling stuff.

Dick Tracy, 10/3/22

This lady at the bar is all of us. She just wants to see something unbelievable, or at least interesting, but instead she gets caught up in an internecine feud between mutant criminal lowlife types. This is why more and more people are abandoning the bar scene for dating apps!

Slylock Fox, 10/3/22

We’ve seen this mystery before, but the text has gotten a substantial upgrade: instead of pretending to eat boring old beef broth, Count Weirdly is eating a piping hot bowl of cream of mushroom soup, which I think we can all agree is much funnier. I’m tempted to go commit some crimes just so I can say to the cops “But officers! I couldn’t possibly have done any of that, because I’ve been here all this time, eating this bowl of delicious cream of mushroom soup!” I would probably end up spending years in prison, but it would be worth it.

Gil Thorp, 10/3/22

Wait, I’m sorry, Coach Kaz’s dojo is a penthouse apartment? We always knew that high school sports were the backbone of Milford’s self-image, but I don’t think we quite understood how well even the assistant coaches were paid. Anyway, Keri, watch out for that bowl of green stuff, it’s mostly pork.

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Dick Tracy, 9/16/22

Say, folks, remember last year, when Sam smiled wryly when he learned he’d be receiving his copy of Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years two weeks late? Well, that’s nothing compared to the heights of ecstacy he’s achieving as he learns that there’s going to be a stage play adaptation of Funny Papers, a nonfiction (?) book about the history of the comics, starring Derby Dugan. I sincerely wish I could be excited about anything as Sam is about this, with “this” being something you’d think I too would be excited about, given the subject matter of this blog, but [checks personal excitement level] ennnnnnh.

Mary Worth, 9/16/22

I am excited about the return of Wilbur’s beloved goldfish, who are probably wondering (to the extent that goldfish can wonder things) “if he’s so hot on being alone, why is he spending time with us, ugh.”

Marvin, 9/16/22

Did, uh, did Marvin’s family accidentally rent a porn, or what

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Judge Parker, 9/12/22

Hey, remember when Judge Parker Senior ran a vanity campaign for mayor, and not only didn’t win but ended up dropping out before the election even happened, which is even more embarrassing? Well, now another member of the local nobility wants in on that, apparently. Alan at least had the vague outlines of a political platform for his abortive stab at relevance — I described it at the time as “prison abolition and left-leaning NIMBYISM from a perspective of noblesse oblige” — but I’m assuming that the extremely divorced Abbey’s main goal in seeking political power will just be revenge on her various enemies, which frankly has a much greater chance of success.

Mary Worth, 9/12/22

Oh, sorry, since Dawn successfully self-actualized her breakup I thought maybe we’d be getting a new storyline this week, but no, we need Mary to explain what Dawn has learned first. Panel two makes it clear that Dawn has long experience in this scenario and knows that if she assumes an absolutely neutral facial expression this won’t last as long, or at least she can retreat to her mind palace while she waits for it to blow over.

Dick Tracy, 9/12/22

“By which I mean, you’re still gonna wear this stuff when we have sex, right? That’s kinda what I signed up for.”