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Dustin, 10/23/22

The thing about Dustin is that it was originally sold in 2010 as a look at Boomer-Millennial tensions, but also the Boomer dad is clearly the viewpoint character so it was mostly about how Millennials annoyed him. Annoying as Millennials are, however, twelve years is a long time to go to that well, and so now the strip is at least 25% “random non-Millennial things the viewpoint character is annoyed by” by volume. And the punchline? The punchline, my friend, is the viewpoint character being as insufferable as possible about it. That’s the funny pages!

Mary Worth, 10/23/22

At least Mary Worth knows what it takes to make America laugh again: beloved millionaire himbo Zak falling to his death in front of his horrified not-fiancée. Publius Syrus is right, kids: learn caution from Iris’s misfortune, and do not get emotionally attached to a self-confident moron like Zak and then hike to a dramatic cliffside vista.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/23/22

Look, Summer, take it from me, someone who has both gone to grad school and written a book: those are not your only two choices in life, and just about all the other ones are going to frankly be a lot better for your financial and emotional well-being.

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Dustin, 9/13/22

You gotta respect (and by “you gotta respect” I mean “you are not at all required to respect, and in fact I’d think a lot less of you if you did”) Dustin’s dad total commitment to the bit, with the bit being that he does not love or like his son and wishes he didn’t have to see or deal with him. He’ll tell anyone! Even people who’ve never met Dustin! I honestly love the salesman’s facial expression in the second panel here. “The fuck, man? I just want to sell you a couch, I did not consent to participate in your family’s psychodrama.”

Hi and Lois, 9/13/22

This may be one of the first ever Hi and Lois strips I can remember that doesn’t depict any of the core cast. I guess we’re supposed to assume that it’s either Hi or Thirsty on the other end of that Zoom call (I mean, Thirsty’s been “quiet quitting” for years) but I think it’d be funnier if Mr. Foofram has been getting in touch with each of his employees one by one, desperate to get someone to come back and keep him company in the expensive real estate he occupies, only to be repeatedly rebuffed, producing that facial expression.

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Dustin, 8/9/22

Look, you and I both know that today’s Dustin is entirely the result of the Dustin brain trust getting wind of the kids today sharing passwords for streaming services and thinking “Oh ho ho, I think we’ve got a metaphor for sex on our hands here!” I found this annoying, for the obvious reasons, but also because it seems to ignore some basic foundations of the Dustin world in its rush for the cheap joke: Dustin’s sister Meg is still in high school and living at home, so it really doesn’t make sense that she would need access to someone else’s streaming accounts, assuming her family has their own, and despite Dustin’s dad’s grouchy boomer vibes it seems unlikely that two fiftysomething professionals wouldn’t have Netflix? But it does occur to me that Ed is absolutely the sort of guy who would demand that his children “earn” access to the family plan on screens that aren’t the TV in the living room by doing chores or something. Look at the results of this cruel policy! You’re putting your daughter at moral hazard!

Gil Thorp, 8/9/22

Speaking of sexual ethics, I am very excited to report that Gil’s new arch-rival has gone on Marty Moon’s radio show to challenge Gil in the most intense competitive arena of all: monogamy. I particularly enjoy the way he considers his wedding band to be simply one more championship ring indicating his sporting prowess. Other, lesser competitors might falter on the way to the playdowns and/or engage in emotional or physical intimacy outside the bounds of their relationship, but not this guy. He’s won marriage, just like he’s gonna win the Valley Conference this fall! I’m sure his wife is 100% on board with this and not unsettled by it at all.

Marvin, 8/9/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin’s grandpa’s friend realizes that he’s gonna die soon and he’s seized by so much regret! Uh, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let’s do some poop jokes, this is making me pretty uncomfortable.