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Dustin, 3/10/24

Hey kids, let Grandpa Josh tell you about the Do-Not-Call List! Starting in the mid ’00s in the United States, you could put your phone number on a list and it became simply illegal for telemarketers to call you! It wasn’t a perfect system — political fundraisers successfully sued to be exempted for First Amendment reasons, for instance — but it immediately eliminated a huge percentage of unwanted phone calls, and, combined with increasingly widespread caller ID features, made using the phone a much more pleasant experience. Unfortunately, this paradise only lasted a few years, and by the ’10s people figured out that they could bypass the list, using voice-over-internet technology to make phone calls ostensibly “from” U.S. numbers even though they could originate anywhere in the world. Since these calls are all illegal, there are no legit telemarketers anymore, so people’s phones are bombarded by scam after scam. Old people who remember a world where phone calls were a useful form of communication still answer and get bamboozled, while younger people who grew up with other ways to connect find the scams yet another reason to think of talking on the phone as a repellent act and are wont to simply never answer a phone call.

Anyway, my point is that Dustin is a product of the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, and while usually you can tell because its central conceit is based on a world of high youth unemployment that simply no longer exists, there are other clues that all of its action takes place 15 years ago, such as an ostensible early twentysomething knowing what a “Do-Not-Call List” is.

Dick Tracy, 3/10/24

I will admit that I have not been following this Dick Tracy/Little Orphan Annie crossover very closely, so I don’t remember if Dick has already interacted with these two undercover kidnappers, but it would be very funny if he hasn’t. “As far as he’s concerned, we’re just the dumb housekeepers!” [Later, Dick sees them for the first time] “Warbucks, don’t worry about these two people waving guns at us. They’re just the dumb housekeepers! Which you can tell by, uh, just look at them. It’s fine. They’re probably using the guns for cleaning purposes.”

Hi and Lois, 3/10/24

I gotta say, if you asked me to come up with the meanest possible parody answer to the question of “What would a legacy newspaper cartoonist say was their favorite part of Daylight Savings Time,” it would 100% absolutely be “Hooray, an extra hour for more golf!”

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Dustin, 3/3/24

Much as I enjoy Dustin’s “Ooh, a text” betraying his desperate need for even the most tenuous human contact, I have to call foul on this strip. It truly saddens me that the creators are so eager to jump on “Young people are terrible” that they ignore the key foundation of their universe, namely that Dustin in particular is terrible in a number of specific ways. No woman will ever love Dustin! No busty redhead would ever attempt to flirt with him! C’mon, what are we even doing here.

Dick Tracy, 3/3/24

I’m part of the ever-shrinking group of people who likes to get out to a play now and then, so this strip really made me think: how would I feel if, before the show or maybe between acts, an old man came out and gave a little speech about the history of a classic comic strip? I have to admit that I’d be OK with it. The rest of the crowd? Well, that’s not for me to say.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/3/24

Oh, nice, Slick Smitty managed to find one of the few remaining living humans and forge a romantic connection with her! How sweet. And they even have some shared interests! Look, she’s helping him trick Max into digging his own grave!

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Judge Parker, 2/28/24

Judge Parker Senior’s wayward daughter Ann, having escaped her captor when he decided that Judge Parker Senior was too scary, has apparently decided to try to escape the loving embrace of her family as well. Specifically, she appears to be fleeing into the hedge maze that the Parkers maintain on their grounds, and I for one think it would be very funny if Randy attempts a flying tackle only to miss and end up waist-deep in the shrubbery.

Dustin, 2/28/24

Ring is manufactured by Amazon, and with the close collaboration between the company and law enforcement, I’m afraid that Dustin’s dad use of “police” as a verb here is anything but metaphorical. As a defense attorney, the man is probably already on the local cops’ shit list, and while I don’t usually root for the carceral state, after years of reading this strip I can’t say the thought of him getting violently tased for trying to sneak a midnight snack doesn’t warm my heart a little bit.