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Mark Trail, 10/10/08

OK, I think we all know where this is going — Sue will be so touched by Mark rescuing her from an alligator and the simple kindness of these forest folk that she will inexplicably allow her valuable swampland to remain a haven for dangerous reptiles, rather than develop it into a strip mall anchored by a Barnes and Noble and a P.F. Chang’s, as God intended. This will set up a conflict with her money-minded ex-boyfriend, whom Mark may have to punch, blah blah blah.

The possible wildcard is Sneaky. Everyone insists on treating him as some kind of lovable household pet when he’s clearly a filthy, thieving wild animal who you shouldn’t turn your back for a second. Ha ha, he’s stealing my wallet! Ha ha, he’s clawing at my daughter’s face! Look into those beady little eyes in panel three and just try to tell me that there’s anything going through his head right now other than “BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE”.

Family Circus, 10/10/08

Good lord, is anything safe from Angry Billy’s flailing, aimless rage? Now he’s incensed at the very concept of the linear progression of time itself. “Seven sucks! I hate seven! I want to be six forever! SIX! SIX! Screw you, seven!” Personally, I’d be pretty nervous being in such close proximity to this tightly wound little rage-stump, but Grandma looks remarkably serene. Maybe she’s somehow got inside information on the exact time and place of the inevitable killing spree.

Spider-Man, 10/10/08

Peter Parker spent the early part of this week bitching about the idea of a museum show of clocks, but now he’s decided that it might be a good place to intercept the fake Spider-Man because, you know, trying to figure out something better would be hard. He’s also not traveling around in costume because of the dastardly deeds of the aforementioned fake Spider-Man, so he’s apparently chosen just to climb up the side of this wall, in broad daylight, without hiding his identity in any way because who cares. This strip should change its name from The Amazing Spider-Man to Spider-Man: Whatever.

Pluggers, 10/10/08

Everyone knows that plugger coffee comes in a $12 can that lasts for months, and is made with a scoop of crystals and some boiling water. Dog-man plugger here would be no more likely to be leaving the store with a bag of coffee beans than he would with arugula or a copy of the Economist.

By the way, I’ve seen Reed Hoover’s name in Pluggers often enough that I Googled him to find out how he became such a plugger-savant, only to find this two-year-old article from the Dallas Morning News. I urge you to read it all the way to the very end! You will not regret it.

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Blondie, 10/8/08

I’m intrigued by Julius Dithers’ latest attempt to achieve Big Brother-like omnipresence in his workforce. It’s kind of surprising that his employees must spend the day staring not at his sneering face, but at his clenched fist. At first glance this would seem to be the ultimate expression of the unabashed threats of violence that underpin his thuggish regime, the identity of the Leader reduced merely to the instrument that he uses to deal out pain. But note that the fist isn’t advancing knuckle-first at the viewer in the style of a righteous fist o’ justice; rather it appears to be waving in the air in impotent rage. In this sense, what’s meant to be a symbol of tyranny in fact exposes the regime’s weakness and plants the seeds of its eventual overthrow.

It’s also possible, but unlikely, that this is a close-up of Dithers flashing a proud Black Power salute.

Family Circus, 10/8/08

This may look like yet another “freakishly large-headed kids say the stupidest things” installment of the Family Circus, but I actually think Billy is using the live NASA feed (the only thing Daddy will let the kids watch, other than Veggie Tales and Davey and Goliath) as an opportunity to broach the subject of his father’s fanatical refusal to stop at rest areas during long car trips. “OK, dad, they’re in the terrible vacuum of space and need to stick to a tight schedule or they’ll run out of oxygen, so that makes sense, but why is it so important to ‘reach our mission objective within the established time parameters’ that I have to pee in an empty coffee cup?”

Pluggers, 10/8/08

Pluggers are too lazy and ignorant to spend thirty seconds looking things up on the Internet so as to spell people’s name correctly or determine whether something is the name of a person or of a television show.

Hi and Lois, 10/8/08

Hi is looking stunned in the second panel here because his teenage son’s act of disrespectful rebellion: rocking out to a song released in 1975.

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—Uncle Lumpy

Mary Worth, 10/3/08

Toby’s phishing nightmare is water under the bridge, but after throwing good money after bad, she may have bitten off more than she can chew. The unvarnished truth is that being honest with Ian just doesn’t float her boat, so she avoids it like the plague. Mary has an axe to grind, but may be blowing things up out of proportion — it’s an open secret big as life that putting a relationship on the rocks is crossing a line in front of a bottomless pit. But it’s good to see these two addressing it proactively: after all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, nothing is cut and dried, a stitch in time saves nine, and failure is not an option.

Seriously, is Mary losing it? Ever since Aldo killed himself and Ella Byrd pwned her advising skills, she’s been reduced to adopting stray dogs and half-heartedly humiliating poor Doc Jeff. Now she’s outsourced her advice operation to Mistress Terry Bryson, trying to keep her hand in with this meandering recap—a sad state of affairs for one of history’s greatest monsters! And to think we lost Kim Jong-Il about the same time.

Hey . . . we’ve never actually seen them together, have we?

Family Circus, 10/3/08

Family Circus Partial Nudity Week:

Gasoline Alley, 10/3/08

OK, boy-man Rover here sold his gas-saving gadget to Sultan Abu bin Stereotype without disclosing that it won’t work on fuel-injected cars. While we wait to discover the wily Sultan’s plans to keep the invention off the market, Rover distracts himself from his supposed legal predicament by feeding some ducks — ironically exposing himself to simultaneous copyright-infringement lawsuits from Mark Trail and Mallard Fillmore.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/3/08

In panel 2 we learn that Rex’s mobile has an obscene ringtone, which the artist has graciously censored for us. I would have sworn he kept it on vibrate—and not in his pocket.

— Uncle Lumpy