Archive: Family Circus

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Hi and Lois, 4/14/23

“I mean, look at these drips! None of them are charismatic or even vaguely attractive, and they’re already in high school and yet have failed to break 1,000 followers on any platform. We’re falling behind our peer nations! America needs an influencer moonshot if we have any hope of keeping up!”

Shoe, 4/14/23

“Ha ha, get it? Because of your many anxieties, which might be amusing for other people to watch you talk about? I’ve read through the HIPAA documentation and I didn’t see anything in there that says it applies to birds.”

Family Circus, 4/14/23

You notice this guy isn’t asking this about any of the other Keane Kids. “He sure is staring pretty intently at that bug … that’s probably curiosity, right?”

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Mary Worth, 4/5/23

Ah ha, we’ve finally arrived at the big dramatic twist in this storyline: Estelle has to convince Dr. Ed to go to therapy! I look forward to the next several weeks in which she gently overcomes his emotional reserves and lets him know that admitting he needs help isn’t a sign of weakn–oh, wait, what’s that? He said he’d be into it literally the first time she mentioned it? Ah. Well. I guess I look forward to the next several weeks in which he tries to figure out if Estelle’s therapist takes his insurance.

Family Circus, 4/5/23

Look, Dolly, I get that your whole job is saying the darnedest things, and there are only so many darnedest things available to say in the relatively limited space of a Family Circus caption, but I feel it’s very important that you not imply some kind of appliance vore fetish scenario here, because this panel will get posted in some web forums that none of us will be comfortable with.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/5/23

I think there’s something of a divide between people who say “fucking” to mean any kind of sex stuff generally, and people who say it to mean specifically p-in-v or -a intercourse. We know Eddie’s had a longtime romantic relationship with a mermaid, and today I guess we’re learning that this relationship’s sexual component has fallen into definition one but not definition two above — at least so far. I mean, that’s what this strip’s about, right? The prospect of penetrative sex with a mermaid? It’s not a strip with another joke that also slyly makes reference to “how exactly would it work for a guy to stick his dick in a mermaid?” Like that’s pretty explicitly what this one’s about?

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Hi and Lois, 3/26/23

Hi, you are … 45 years old, tops? You are probably never going to become a famous guitar player but you absolutely can still write a novel and, since the main barrier stopping most people from travelling around the world is money, as a comfortably middle-class adult you are probably closer to achieving that dream than you’ve ever been in your life. Are you … are you dying, Hi? Are you dying soon? Is this your way of softening the blow when you tell Lois that she’s about to be widowed?

Beetle Bailey, 3/26/23

I’m sorry, I didn’t speak up loudly enough years back when Beetle Bailey eased into its ongoing “Beetle and Miss Buxley are dating, by the way,” thing, and I strongly feel like I have to nip this in the bud. The whole point of the dynamic between Sargents Snorkel and Lugg is that she’s into him and it’s not reciprocated. I don’t care what headcanon you have about it — that he’s gay and secretly in love with Beetle, or that he’s asexual, or that he’s straight and interested in a relationship in general but simply doesn’t have romantic feelings for her — but doing a whole strip where Sarge really puts forth a lot of effort to be appealing on a date with her is a direct affront to every longtime Beetle Bailey reader.

Family Circus, 3/26/23

Jeffy is definitely puking his guts out all over the bed, right? That’s the joke here? That Billy got distracted and now Jeffy is plastering their room with barf?

Six Chix, 3/26/23

It’s springtime, everyone! Thought about beautifying your home by tearing a family apart lately?