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For Better Or For Worse, 5/1/08

For Better Or For Worse’s grim determination to make EVERY GOD-DAMNED STRIP end with some sort of cute pun has hit new heights of nonsense today. Let’s ignore for the moment the fact that “patience” and “patients” are homophones, rendering the joke incomprehensible to anyone not actually reading it written out; we still have the glaring question of what the hell it could possibly mean. Does John wish that he had waited longer to retire, now that he’s beginning to realize that life at home with Ellie will involve more home improvement projects and less ornate model train landscaping? Or is he genuinely sorry that he spent his dental career rushing from patient to patient, trying to cram as many as possible into the day, leaving a trail of slipshod fillings, shattered jawbones, and drill-lacerated cheeks behind him?

Fun thing to say that sounds kind of dirty but probably isn’t: “I hear you’re finally done with the drill!”

Apartment 3-G, 5/1/08

Notice that the instant the word “boyfriend” passes Lu Ann’s lips, she and Jack are immediately transported outside of the latter’s print shop and magical love nest and dumped unceremoniously out onto the sidewalk below. “Boyfriend, eh? …aaaaaaand I think we’re done here.”

Panel from Dick Tracy, 5/1/08

For many of the more bizarre continuity strips out there, the looming question is, “Are the creators in on the joke?” While it isn’t definitive, to me this panel makes a “yes” answer for Dick Tracy more likely. If you think he’s bad now, wait until you get a load of the front of his head, Dab!

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Apartment 3-G, 4/23/08

Margo has mysteriously settled on Colonel Sanders as a sartorial role model.

B.C., 4/23/08

B.C. has ill-advisedly decided to feature a joke involving eating rat feces.

For Better Or For Worse, 4/23/08

For Better Or For Worse has chosen to reinforce the common bigoted belief that chronic masturbators never achieve anything in this life.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/15/08

My, the local yokels in Rex Morgan’s town sure care about stuff, don’t they? I mean, most people respond to news about bacteria and public health policy by saying “Guh, science is hard” and changing the channel, but these folks have taken note of the crisis in their community and chose to get politically involved. Naturally, Rex and June, as representatives of the out-of-touch medical elite, dismiss them as ignorant peasants. In their perfect world, people would meekly follow the dictates of their physician-kings, especially when it came to purchasing expensive prescription medication manufactured by companies who contribute nice pens and notepads to the Morgan clinic.

Rex’s dickish statement in panel two definitely qualifies as one of his most hilarious dickish statements yet. Of course, his obsession with nostril health may be the root cause of some of the more unusual viewing angles this strip has featured in the past:

And let’s not forget this panel from last Saturday!

See, we thought it was about her choppers, but it turns out that we can actually see the MRSA breeding, up there amongst her boogers.

Apartment 3-G, 4/15/08

That’s actually what Margo asks herself pretty much every waking minute of the day. Still, in panel three she looks almost sheepish about the awful plan for exploiting Lu Ann’s brain damage she’s about to unveil.

Blondie, 4/15/08

When I first read this, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be easier if Dagwood just kept a stick of pepperoni in the car?” But if he did, he’d inevitably eat it. In fact, he’s probably going to eat that air freshener.

For Better Or For Worse, 4/15/08

Wait … when the baby boomers were getting married the bygone days of the ’60s and ’70s, did they really decide on a wedding date the moment they got engaged? I don’t think they did, actually. FOR PETE’S SAKE FOOBS, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE A PUN OUT OF IT DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE.

Get Fuzzy, 4/15/08

Ha, he said “wash his own balls!” But what really made me laugh for some reason was “oh my head.” Most people would say “oh my God” or the like, but Bucky can imagine no deity more important than his own misshapen skull.

Judge Parker, 4/15/08

HEY, EVERYONE, MARIJUANA! The Dickens farm has been growing marijuana. That … that revelation turned out to be fairly anticlimactic, actually. At least we’ll be treated to a be-hatted Abbey being held captive by sinister geriatric drug dealers, which should be wonderful and bizarre.