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For Better For Worse, 4/25/06

Mark my words: Thérèse’s having humiliated and cuckolded Anthony is only the beginning. My prediction is that, despite the fact that this evil, baby-hating hussy vowed that the nine months little spawn-of-Anthony spent in her womb would be the sum total of the energy she would expend on it, she’s nevertheless going to take the Mustachioed Milquetoast before a bewigged Canadian judge and demand custody. Why? First, she’s a FBOFW villain, and therefore exists to make the sympathetic characters as sympathetic as possible; and second, there is no need for any other reasons.

Meanwhile, if Liz gives up her exciting, fulfilling life in the north and her romances with Paul the ass-grabbing mountie and Fly-Boy Warren to come home, marry the chump, and start popping out babies, then I for one will be very depressed (though not Anthony-level depressed, don’t worry). Mock her First Nations travelogue life if you must, but she’s the one Patterson that escaped the suffocating middle-class suburban life that has Mike in a death-grip, and nothing about Anthony says to me that he’s worth sacrificing a whit for.

Mary Worth, 4/25/06

The only way Kelly could look any more depressed than she does in panel two would be if she actually had a gun barrel in her mouth. “You sat through the same awful dinner as I did last week, and now you want me to spend more time with that force-feeding loon? And you’re the biddy that people come to for advice in this town?”

Apartment 3-G, 4/25/06

Aaaand thus endeth the Tommie storyline.

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Mary Worth, 3/24/06

So wait, the new Mary Worth storyline is about the sex lives of unattractive middle-aged empty nesters? Oh, hell, no, I am not down for that. You hear me, Mary Worth? You’re on your own if you go down that road.

[Long pause.]

Oh, we both know I don’t mean that.

Also:

Non Sequitur and panels from Fox Trot, 3/24/06

A comic pooping double-score today. Niiice.

Also also: Why do cartoon moms get all gothy before bed? It’s kinda creepin’ me out.

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For Better Or For Worse, 3/2/06

So, um, is the last panel some kind of metaphor made concrete? Or … is Susan a, um, midget? Oh my God, she’s a dwarf, isn’t she? We’re going to learn, over eight enlightening but grueling days, that dwarves can be teachers and positive contributors to society, and they don’t deserve ill-fitting sweaters, aren’t we?

That’s what I’m getting from panel four, anyway. It also appears that we’re going to learn that Canadian First nation children love the taste of dwarf flesh. You’d better look scared there, shorty.