Archive: Gearhead Gertie

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Mary Worth, 9/25/25

Wow, back in the day, you could write a long, crazy yarn about an unlikely trio hot-air-balloon-crashing into the remote woods, where they’d never be able to get back to civilization and have to turn to cannibalism to survive. But now they have cell phones and can just call an Uber to come get them or whatever. Boring!

Gearhead Gertie, 9/25/25

It seems particularly cruel for Gertie to use NASCAR analogies for defeating her husband in their arguments, since their arguments are inevitably about NASCAR. But I guess literally everything she says, does, and thinks about is NASCAR. She has no other context! It’s NASCAR all the way down!

Six Chix, 9/25/25

I of course am on the record as enjoying the Tuesday Chik’s sandwich sex strips. But when it comes to perversity, I have to say that I’m even more impressed with this one, which starts off as a corny, punny joke but very quickly gets to a place where we need to accept that this lady loves, has married, and, yes, has sex with a sentient set of stairs.

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Mary Worth, 8/14/25

Never one for subtlety, Mary Worth foreshadows by planting an actual red flag.

Mark Trail, 8/14/25

That gator is really excited at the prospect of a new pond! Meanwhile, Mark shoves a bush aside to clear the gator’s path. Not quite Fists of Justice™ territory, but at least macho-heroics-adjacent.

Zits, 8/14/25

There is no evidence that sulfurous smells repel bears, and Jeremy scrupulously avoids contact with ammonia, bleach, and other cleaning agents that do. Sorry, Hector, that tent is looking flimsier by the moment.

Family Circus, 8/14/25

Jeff Keane’s tax auditor, probably: “Mr. Keane, the IRS is known for its generosity in granting tax exemptions for creative professionals such as yourself, but are you really going to go with ‘How can I draw the Golden Gate Bridge without taking my family to San Francisco for a week?’ Frankly, I’m still getting grief about that Crankshaft determination.”

Gearhead Gertie, 8/14/25

“You mean that movie starring a charismatic and attractive male lead in a high-stakes drama with a ‘rookie vs. veteran’ dynamic that depicts a growing bond between former rivals, with authentic racing sequences, behind-the-scenes explorations of racing culture, and an iconic romantic interlude, led by a director associated with the Top Gun series? Sure, here’s a ticket to F1: The Movie!”

Gertie turns it down because the cars look different. Stupid Genie.


—Uncle Lumpy

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Andy Capp, 8/7/25

You would think that Andy sustaining an injury at “punk rock night” would send me down my usual rabbit-hole of “in what year does Andy Capp take place?”, but in fact I’m honestly more interested in “at what time of day does this specific Andy Capp strip take place?”, given that Andy is returning home from “punk rock night” when it’s broad daylight outside. This sent me down a new, exciting rabbit-hole, and I learned that Andy is canonically from the northern English city of Hartlepool (they even have a statue of him!), and, England being further north than most Americans realize and Hartlepool as mentioned being at the north end of the country, sunsets in June there can be as late as 9:45 pm. So, yes, if Andy were to get injured at punk rock night and then come home afterwards when it’s still sunny, the punk rock part might be anachronistic, but the sunlight part would not necessarily be.

Dustin, 8/7/25

I genuinely love the big smiles on everyone’s face in the conference room in the final panel. “That’s Ed Kudlick, the firm dipshit, coming in and saying utter nonsense again!” they’re thinking. “He’s a terrible lawyer, but we keep him around because he’s usually pretty funny — not on purpose funny, obviously.” The fact that the coworkers we see are all women is a nice touch.

Gearhead Gertie, 8/7/25

I’m sorry, man, if you know Gertie well enough to engage her in conversation about NASCAR, you should know that you’ve just crossed a line that can never be uncrossed, so don’t look so shocked. Do look horrified, though, because today is your last day alive on Earth.

Pluggers, 8/7/25

Pluggers has run for 32 years, and the question on all our minds for all that time has been: “Do pluggers know that they’re hideous man-animals, nightmarish freaks of forbidden science who shouldn’t exist?” Well, they didn’t before. But it looks like they finally figured it out.