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Pluggers and Hi and Lois, 11/11/23

Happy Veterans Day, everyone! Do you think the United States is on the verge an apocalyptic war for national survival that will require us to call old men back into military service in a last-ditch and almost certainly doomed effort to fight back the overwhelming force of the enemy? Probably not, right? But still, it’s fun to keep those guys on their toes by hinting that it might be necessary in syndicated newspaper comics, their favorite form of media.

Gil Thorp, 11/11/23

Speaking of grizzled war vets, Gil Thorp apparently fought in the U.S. Army Air Force against the Luftwaffe during World War II, which means that he’s some sort of ageless immortal, which in turn has a lot of implications for any number of Gil Thorp plots. Like his slo-mo ongoing divorce, for instance: sure, it’s painful, but it’s something he has to go through every few decades, before his current wife starts to notice that he looks exactly like he did the day they got married.

Blondie, 11/11/23

Dagwood’s rich parents made sure he never got drafted into World War I or any of the wars that followed it, so no, Blondie will not be acknowledging Veterans Day, thank you very much. Anyway, a big problem with this strip is that the joke is supposed to be that Dagwood is hearing people use “beef” metaphorically and it makes him hungry for an all-beef hamburger patty, but then one of the speakers on TV is named “Mr. Burgomaster,” which kind of implies he’s already watching some kind of burger-themed entertainment, which muddles things, I think. Another problem with it is that it disrespects the troops.

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Crock, 11/3/23

A fun dynamic on this blog is that if I ever post anything to the effect of “Wow, this really makes no sense whatsoever, who on earth would do this/talk like this,” I will inevitably get at least one comment to the effect of, “Huh, Josh, actually if you weren’t a stupid American/coastal elitist/weirdo shut-in/feckless youth/cranky old man you would know that this is in fact very normal behavior, can’t believe you’re publicly embarrassing yourself like this.” But you know what, I don’t care, I don’t believe that anyone has reacted to the information that someone has bought a Harley-Davidson and the first thing they ask is what size Harley was purchased. I don’t believe it! There are many different model families of Harley and, it’s true, they do vary significantly by size, but I still don’t think that’s how you’d approach the question of finding out what kind of Harley your aged mother is has bought with her bingo winnings. Sorry! Roast me for saying this if you will! I gotta speak my truth!

Gil Thorp, 11/3/23

Say what you will about the comics as a medium, but if a TV show wanted to have a couple of of-the-moment superstars as guests, there would be tortuous negotiations and a lot of money changing hands, whereas a comic strip can just draw ’em and have them say whatever crazy shit you want. And since they’re public figures, they can’t even sue! Probably. “Hey, wasn’t this strip about vampires or something just a couple days ago,” you’re no doubt asking, and the answer is: no, wrong, that was a dream sequence, as opposed to today’s strip, where all the football players have hearts floating over their heads, which is definitely happening in real life.

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Beetle Bailey, 10/31/23

Maybe I’m overly into the holiday spirit today but I genuinely enjoy the pathos of today’s strip. General Halftrack is so mad, and well might he be! He put a lot of effort into his vampire costume and these two did just the absolute minimum necessary! Now he looks like a tryhard, like the women and that goober Zero! Even Lt. Fuzz is making him seem like a chump.

[UPDATE: haha yes this is Killer, not Gen. Halftrack, for some reason I was visualizing an elaborate mustache-dyeing scenario that is quite honestly beyond the General’s ability to focus for short-term gain]

Dennis the Menace, 10/31/23

I’ve seen zero evidence that the Wilsons are into health food at all, and in fact Mrs. Wilson is constantly plying Dennis with cookies and such whenever he stops by unannounced, so I assume their trick-or-treat game is solid. You can just tell Joey that Mr. Wilson hates you, Dennis, I’m sure he’s got it mostly figured out already.

Gil Thorp, 10/31/23

LAST WEEK’S GIL THORP STORYLINE: The older Thorp kid has an abortion, a normal thing that happens all the time in real life, whole family is supportive, minimum of drama, not worth covering on this blog, of most interest because in a post-Dobbs world it helps us narrow down what state Milford is in

THIS WEEK’S GIL THORP STORYLINE: Gil is a vampire, this lady is offering herself up to him to have her blood erotically drained, I’m crying and throwing up and calling my Congressman to demand a government investigation into this filth

Hi and Lois, 10/31/23

Speaking of filth, I can believe these TWIN SIBLINGS went out dressed as a ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED COUPLE from a popular video game. I guess they’re “too young to know better,” but honestly, their parents should be guiding them away from terrible mistakes like this.