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Gil Thorp, 1/25/12

By the way, I’m still totally enjoying the Gil Thorp teen tattoo plot, I don’t care what you think! The latest development is the strange alliance between the transparently gay Lini (who’s against tattoos because, ugh, so tacky) and the assertively Christian Cortez Beecher (who’s against tattoos because Leviticus 19:28). Anyway, if we’re going to have the gay teen saying “Heavens!” and wearing bowties constantly, probably because someone saw it on Glee once or something, I’m pleased at panel three’s revelation that they’re real bowties, not some pre-tied clip-on nonsense. And also I’m going to assume that’s an ironic “Heavens!”

Another fun fact from panel three: Tim Summers thinks that voting, military service, and legal adulthood in general are all nothing but a big pile of garbage.

Family Circus, 1/25/12

Oh, thanks, Jeffy! I had barely noticed your little zipper problem, but now that you’ve called it a “mouth” I can’t stop staring at it, since it looks exactly like a monstrous lamprey-maw leading directly to the infinite blackness of some unspeakable hell-dimension.

Apartment 3-G, 1/25/12

In other news, Lu Ann just told Margo to eat shit! Watch it Lu Ann, you just learned about your real biological parentage, but that doesn’t give you superpowers.

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Gil Thorp, 1/21/12

Ha ha, the one even remotely sinister/badass thing happening down at Milford Ink — underage kids getting tattoos without parental consent — isn’t even happening, apparently! But don’t worry, we’ve at last got to the dramatic meat of this basketball season storyline: arguments about tattoos are going to tear the Mudlarks apart, just like tattoos are tearing apart the very fabric of our nation. If these nice young men with flat-top haircuts can’t keep their cool when conversation turns to body art, then what hope is there for any of us? Ban tattoos forever, I say!

Mary Worth, 1/21/12

Oh, no, Mary isn’t happy just being a hero anymore; after all, heroes are mortal. Mary Worth works miracles. Let’s thank God, and Mary, who is the Prophet of God! ALL HAIL MARY!

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Pluggers, 1/18/12

Today I said to my wife the words that any woman longs to hear: “Honey, can you come in here and explain Pluggers to me?” Her take was that pluggers don’t know what an “app” is and assume that it’s derived directly from the word “apply,” and that therefore “applying” whipped topping (yes, obviously “topping,” not elitist whipped cream, what are you, some kind of fancy ooh-la-la gourmet French person) to a pie is an “app.” This makes at least as much sense than my own interpretation, which was “A plugger’s favorite app is eatin’ pie, or maybe just spraying wipped topping straight down their beak-mouths.” Which doesn’t really mean much of anything, but seriously, look at this panel, what the hell.

Gil Thorp, 1/18/12

Boy, Coach Kaz is all dressed up and being nice to everybody, which probably means that a break-up is in the offing. “Welp, good game, kids, but I’m leaving forever to take up my new job as an FBI agent in 1964.”

Luann, 1/18/12

Hey, remember, like, a month ago, when having TJ work for Ann Eiffel seemed like it would be an awesome idea? Well, we changed our mind, so that won’t be happening anymore. Don’t worry, we’ve long established that TJ has no need for a job for his income, so there are absolutely no consequences involved in today’s actions, which is an important element of drama.

B.C., 1/18/12

I’m always vaguely amused that B.C.’s ants are used as the players in various generic domestic melodramas. But they’re still ants! Ants who could be devoured by a predator at any time! I’m not sure if the surviving ant spouse means that the departing ant was appreciated for its nutritive qualities, or that it will at last find unconditional love in the chitinous bosom of some kind of ant-God in ant-heaven, but either way it’s all pretty grim.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/18/12

For a long time Rex has been losing badly to Sam Driver in the competition to see which smug, sexually repressed dick in a Woody Wilson-penned soap strip can have become more financially comfortable due to no real work or merit on his part. But maybe today is the day when the tide begins to turn!