Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/15/19

Reading this strip, I suddenly had an intrusive memory of one of the all-time great Dawn Romance Fail plots. In the aftermath of her near death at sea, Dawn was on the lookout for a more meaningful life, and Mary had just the thing: doing volunteer work down at the hospital! Dawn immediately met Jim, a nice young man with one arm who lost his arm and his sister (who looked exactly like Dawn) in the same tragic boat accident, which meant that Jim had to prevent Dawn from getting near any bodies of water at all costs! He also wanted Dawn to have sex with him, and got angry and abusive when she turned him down, but Dawn’s extremely competent psychology professor taught her that it’s very important for women to break down the emotional barriers between themselves and the men who want to fuck/yell at them, so she managed to convince Jim to ease up and just be friends. And, having truly achieved her goal of living a more meaningful life, she never had to hang out with Jim again, but it sure took a while to get there! That’s why it’s great that this noble burn victim has managed to pass in and out of Dawn’s life in only a few moments, giving her a tissue … and a reason to live, and love again … without hanging around or making her pretend to like him or anything like that. He’s got his own rich, fulfilling life going on somewhere else! Probably! I mean, we’ll never know, but let’s just assume.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/15/19

I’m often fascinated by the way the top row of throwaway panels in a Sunday strip, which aren’t printed in many papers, can change the whole tenor of the piece. Like, if you didn’t have them today, this would just be the story of Lucky Eddie being late to dinner with Hagar for some unknown reason. But with them, it’s the story of Lucky being late for some unknown reason and made even later by a couple of comical farmer types who blocked the whole road! Really makes you think, doesn’t it?

Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/13/19

So there hasn’t really been much by way of a “twist” in this Dawn Summer Romance plot, honestly, but maybe at least now we’re getting to what’s intended to be the point, which is that Dawn having her heart broken will hurt for only a little while, so maybe she should just be grateful that she didn’t suffer some kind of terrible injury that resulted in permanent facial scarring, you know what I mean? Dawn, you hearing this? This saintly young man is offering to help you! Pull yourself together, girl!!!!

Hagar the Horrible, 9/13/19

Ha ha, so, the running Hagar the Horrible bit about Lucky Eddie’s mermaid fetish has all been in good fun, but today’s strip is getting a little too close to “hey, let’s think in some biological detail about mermaids’ reproductive cycle and, by extension, their sex lives, and specifically the sex life shared by this mermaid and Lucky Eddie” and you know what? Nope. This is where I tap out.

Crock, 9/13/19

Hey, you guys know about … brands? Well get this, what if there were brands … but for weapons? [My aide whispers the entire history of the military-industrial complex into my ear] Wait, what

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/19

“For that to happen, wouldn’t I have to have sex? Like, with Buck? No thanks.”

Post Content

Hagar the Horrible, 8/30/19

One of the running gags of Hagar the Horrible is of course that it’s The Honeymooners or [insert up-to-date cultural reference to a sitcom where the whole gimmick is that the married couple at the center of it don’t seem to like each other very much and fight all the time], but in a 9th or 10th century Europe under relentless attack by vicious Norse warriors, with said warriors being the viewpoint characters. But every once in a while we see that, despite their constant bickering, Hagar and Helga are indeed a well-matched pair. Does Helga for a single moment indulge herself in sentimentalism about the scores of men and women her husband has slaughtered for plunder, about the whole kingdoms that were torched to keep her in finery? She very much does not.

Pluggers, 8/30/19

Hmm, you’re a plugger if … you have adult responsibilities you have to fulfill before you can engage in recreational activities? And if your family life involves negotiating how much priority to give to those responsibilities with other members of your family? I have bad news for … literally everyone.