Archive: Heart of the City

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Beetle Bailey, 9/14/18

This is a cartoon clearly written by someone who’s heard about how the Kids Today like to take pictures of their meals, but has no idea why or ever how they do so. Like, some embarrassed colorist has attempted to make it look like Sarge is holding his phone, but that’s clearly supposed to be an old-school point-and-shoot camera.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/14/18

There are like two entirely different things happening in this strip. On the one hand, you have “ancient history” apparently being understood by Hamlet’s parents to mean “Hagar’s relationships with pre-Helga girlfriends” or maybe “Hagar’s infidelity early in his relationship with Helga,” thus injecting Hamlet’s eagerness to discuss his school lessons with his parents’ long-simmering marital drama. On the other hand, you have whatever “school” a Viking chieftain’s son attends apparently letting its young Norse charges in on the true international illuminati conspiracy that is biding its time until civilization rises up again to be worth ruling, watching all things with its unblinking pyramidal Eye.

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Spider-Man, 7/14/13

Oh, man, this whole “Spider-Man is tormented by an irritating child” business is going so much better than even I had hoped! I feel compelled to point out that this isn’t the first time that an ugly youth attempted to unmask the unconscious wall-crawler, though in that earlier instance he had come by his unconsciousness with a shred of dignity — yes, he had knocked himself out, like a moron, but at least it happened during super-combat. This time around, he’s just dozed off while claiming that he’s going to “rest his eyelids,” grandpa-style.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/14/13

I’m not sure which I find funnier: that Hagar thinks his weight-loss news deserves two panels of set-up, or that Eddie interprets Hagar’s metaphor as meaning that flesh and fat are falling off his body in huge bloody chunks. No, wait, the second one, I’m pretty sure it’s the second one.

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Heart of the City, 11/25/09

I’ve enjoyed a couple of trips to Philadelphia, where Heart of the City is set, and I’ve always considered Ben Franklin to be my favorite Founding Father. Still, if I were walking through a scenic Philly park and encountered a tiny Franklin-gnome staring ahead with dead eyes, I think I would be profoundly disturbed.

Luann, 11/25/09

“So it turns out that Brad is pretty good at picking out gifts for both of us! How incredibly awkward, for baffling, inscrutable reasons of narrative convenience!”

Crock, 11/25/09

It obviously makes total sense that Captain Preppie is being eaten from the inside out by his own handsomeness. However, I’m unsettled by the way he’s brandishing that corn dog with a heavy-lidded leer.

Hey, kids, I’m going to be gorging myself on turkey and drinking gravy straight from the boat for the next few days. See ya Monday or thereabouts!