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Gil Thorp, 2/19/25

Gil Thorp of course always deals with teen issues both of-the-moment and timeless, and there’s one of the latter type that I don’t think we’ve seen before, which is the phenomenon of the Horse Girl. We’ve actually been in the middle of a wrestling-themed story for the past few days so I’m not sure if this is a classic Thorp-style abrupt transition to the spring B-plot, which will involve the intensely competitive and hitherto undocumented Valley Conference equestrian tournament, or if Valley Conference wrestling follows WWE rules and allows unorthodox techniques like riding a horse into the ring. Either way, I’m looking forward to learning more about this young athlete who loves Silver in a way that the Lone Ranger never could.

Heathcliff, 2/19/25

It’s very true that you can’t judge a book by its cover. There really are people out there who appear to be ordinary, solid citizens — collared shirts, flattop haircuts, the whole nine yards — and yet behind closed doors full-on bathe in meat, like absolute freaks. Only animals with powerful noses can identify these sickos!

Dick Tracy, 2/19/25

Today’s Dick Tracy really has a lot to say about contemporary journalism. Sam reacts with irritation and impatience to Dick’s attempt to explain the corpsenapping background to him: “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says, thrusting a broadsheet into Dick’s face. “I know all that, I read about it in our constitutionally protected free press, ever heard of it?” But in the final panel, a local citizen refers to “tottering Tribune towers,” a reference to the fact that Chicago’s largest newspaper was forced into bankruptcy by vulture capitalists and is now part of a hedge-fund-owned chain that’s increasingly starved of resources. (The tower in this case is metaphorical, as the real one was sold and converted to condos in 2018.)

The Lockhorns, 2/19/25

Cases in divorce court almost never involve jury trials, of course, which means that Leroy lied to Loretta about having jury duty and convinced her to accompany him to the courthouse just so he could do this bit. Ironically, this just shows that he’s willing to put in the work to keep their dysfunctional marriage fresh and interesting.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/15/25

Hey, here’s a fun fact for you: did you know that ventriloquists don’t “throw” their voices anywhere? They just learn to speak with their mouths closed while working a puppet to match their speech, which creates the illusion that the voice is coming from elsewhere, because our sense of vision is much more precise than our sense of hearing and we tend to lock on to the moving puppet and assume that’s where the sound is coming from (and it’s generally not too far from the puppeteer anyway). Advanced practitioners can alter their voice to be softer so it seems to be coming from far away, but nobody can actually make it sound like it’s coming from a completely different direction. And yet there are so many comics and cartoons that imply otherwise! Much like this one! I attribute it to comics and ventriloquism emerging from the same milieu of popular entertainment and so cartoonists felt they would be violating kayfabe if they let on how it worked, but it’s also possible they didn’t know either because you couldn’t just look stuff up on Wikipedia back then, and now we’re stuck with the tropes. Anyway, my point is that as a child, I, like I assume many of you, had wildly incorrect ideas about ventriloquism, so thanks a lot, comics. And don’t even get me started on quicksand!

Heathcliff, 2/15/25

Oh, are you saying a robot and a cat can’t be friends, Grandpa Nutmeg??? I guess this really is the last acceptable prejudice, huh. (Not going into the details of what “this” might refer to, please write some fanfic about it if it interests you.)

Dennis the Menace, 2/15/25

I’m not sure what exactly Dennis is blathering on about — like is he saying that he did a bunch of sins over the past week because he hadn’t heard the good news about how he shouldn’t or something, maybe? — but I don’t actually think that’s important, because he’s only talking to distract the minister so he can get close enough to deliver a solid punch to the nuts. And the minister knows it! That’s good defensive use of the Holy Bible there, rev, I know they don’t teach that at seminary, you learned it from hard experience.

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Heathcliff, 9/14/24

One of the hazards of the Backup Comics Blogger business is that you start musing about the interior lives of comic strip characters. To wit: does Heathcliff resent Garfield? I mean, he’s got nothing to be ashamed of: Heathcliff has run for fifty years; launched a TV show, movie, and more than 50 books; hung in the Louvre; and sponsored NASCAR driver T.J. Bell (2007 Ford F-150 #50). But relative latecomer Garfield (1976) is a force of nature: the world’s most widely syndicated strip; multiple TV specials; TV series in the US (four Emmys), France, and coming up on Nickelodeon; and wellspring of the Paws, Inc. licensing and merchandising juggernaut sold to Viacom in 2019 for an undisclosed amount probably north of a quarter billion dollars. When you think “orange comic-strip cat,” Heathcliff is probably your second thought.

So I understand Grandma Nutmeg’s mistake; I’ve made it myself. But I understand Heathcliff’s little scowl, too.

Crankshaft, 9/14/24

[Author’s note: On Wednesday I compared legacy comic strip Funky Winkerbean to a parasitic snail. That comparison was mean-spirited and grossly unfair. I have heard and understood those to whom I’ve caused incalculable pain and harm. I am profoundly sorry, and extend my sincere apologies to parasitic snails everywhere.]

In his Joan of Arc play Die Jungfrau von Orleans, Schiller wrote, “Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens”—”Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.” But I wish at least a couple of those gods would contend with Les here, so I don’t have to. Consider: Les is working around the School Board’s ill-drafted rule that disapproved books can’t be ordered by the school [nudge nudge wink wink] by ordering copies himself to be distributed to students through a local bookstore. Why not just pass them out in class? Don’t know!

And when that bookstore is torched by an angry mob, he accepts the kindly offer of another bookstore owner to take over distribution. What could go wrong? Maybe that thing that went wrong last time? Nah, it’ll be fine.

Frankly, if this “banned book” prestige arc ends with some stupid pun about Harry L. Dinkle’s “band books,” I’ll be strangely satisfied. That’s all I’ve got for you today, Les: go away now!

Luann, 9/14/24

OK here’s another Les, sort of a palate-cleanser. Like Thomas Fairchild in Sabrina—who took a chauffeur’s job so he’d have time to read books—Leslie Knox is unambitious, comfortable in his own skin, and content. He’s the bad one. Whiny, manipulative, anxiety-ridden, passive-aggressive Mama’s-boy Gunther is the good one. You will be made to agree!

Pearls before Swine, 9/14/24

Geez, and here I thought Dagwood was a fascist. Fight the cyclocracy!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/24

Panel three: Mary Worth plops down between Parker and Truck and hisses, “Listen to me, young man. You get right back on that bike and this time, stay in your lane.”

So ends the 2024 Comics Curmudgeon Fall Fundraiser. Josh sends his grateful thanks from far-off sunny Italy, and I add my own. Thank you, generous readers!

—Uncle Lumpy