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Hi and Lois, 4/27/17

“We had yell-phones. ‘Hey, Dot!’ That’s how we’d yell. And if someone lived outside of yelling distance, well, they weren’t our friends! How could you be friends with someone outside your village? There would be no way to know what clan they were a part of, to know the ties between your ancestors and theirs that defined your status relations! If you encountered any such person outside the palisade, violence was the immediate result! You couldn’t know if they were friend or foe so it was kill or be killed on sight. I have the blood of so many strangers on my hands! What were we talking about? Oh, right, phones, we didn’t have those.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/27/17

I know that Snuffy Smith is a notorious chicken thief — the syndicate apparently considers this more acceptable to joke about in the daily comics than his other traditional livelihood, moonshining — but it took me a while to realize that the joke here was that the chickens were evidence because he stole them. Maybe it’s because I’m a big fan of Roald Dahl and Alfred Hitchcock, but my immediate assumption was that Snuffy and Lukey murdered someone using a chicken as a weapon.

Spider-Man, 4/27/17

“Oh, you wrapped up the story with a couple days left to go? Well, uh, you could talk about some of the characters from the upcoming movie, I guess. Don’t bother looking up any pictures to see what the actors look like. Just work from memory! It’ll be fine!”

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Family Circus, 4/14/17

The Family Circus has decades of art to plunder for self-plagiarism, something it does with abandon. Some panels lend themselves to reuse more easily than others! This one, for instance. Anytime you’ve got a joke that’s “Jeffy says some hilariously dumbass thing that he and everyone else should be profoundly embarrassed about”? This, with Jeffy staring blank and guileless at nothing in particular, is your go-to panel.

Hi and Lois, 4/14/17

If Chip can’t focus on his schoolwork, he should request a seat move. Maybe someone a little less distractible would do better sitting next to the school’s only window.

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Crock, 3/25/17

Look, I get it. The scenario outlined here — one in which a developed nation makes the unfathomable decision to send children to serve as soldiers in an endless colonial war, to watch innocence vanish as these young people, who ought to be at school or under their parents’ tutelage, kill and die and become something broken — is utterly hilarious. So, why not make the same joke twice in four months? Thousands of people boisterously laughing at the image of freckle-faced 12-year-olds stumbling into an ambush and desperately bayoneting Algerian guerillas to survive can’t be wrong!

Hi and Lois, 3/25/17

How much do I love Lois’s sour face here? Lois doesn’t want to get to this party on time. Lois doesn’t want to get to this party, period. Lois has never wanted anything less in her entire life.

Beetle Bailey, 3/25/17

Wow, I didn’t think I’d have to add “necks” to the list of things that the staff of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC occasionally forgets how to draw, but thanks to panel one, I guess I do!