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Mary Worth, 4/10/12

Considering that Nola has finally experienced the change of heart that Mary’s been hoping for through the entire course of this storyline, she sure looks pretty gobsmacked in panel two. Maybe that’s because Mary Worth-style repentance doesn’t involve anything drastic like actually inconveniencing yourself professionally or financially. “Dear, doesn’t that seem a bit … dramatic? Surely you could have just donated a small portion of the raise you received with your ill-gotten promotion to charity. That would have alleviated my conscience if I were in your shoes! But this … well, it’s going to be difficult for me to preach personal improvement if personal improvement involves substantive and unpleasant changes in one’s life. That’s not the sort of thing most people go for.”

Spider-Man, 4/10/12

Poor Spider-Man! Over the course of this storyline, he really hasn’t had much success in defeating toughs or finding MJ or convincing the Avengers to help him find MJ or defeating Thor or getting into Asgard under his own power or defeating Loki or getting back to Earth from Asgard under his own power. But can he berate an underpaid nurse’s aide and jump to the head of the triage line at the emergency room? Yes! He can berate the hell out of that guy and jump the hell to the head of that line! The Amazing Spider-Man!

Hi and Lois, 4/10/12

“So if you want to benefit from our nation’s grinding economic malaise, shut the fuck up, get in there, frown a lot, and let me lowball this guy, because he’s desperate to sell, and when I say ‘desperate,’ it’s not an exaggeration for effect, I’m talking actual, palpable desperation. Nobody said real estate was pretty, bud.”

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Hi and Lois, 4/5/12

Here is a comic about a dad getting snot all over a ball he’s about to throw back to his son.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/5/12

Here is a comic about sad, desperate alcoholism.

Luann, 4/5/12

Here is a comic about Brad and Toni making out.

B.C., 4/5/12

Here is a comic about a turtle vomiting.

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Hi and Lois, 3/27/12

As I’ve noted, I’m really quite pleased that Hi and Lois has chosen to either go “edgy” or stop caring (or, more likely, both) and reclaim Thirsty’s original purpose as a character, which was to provide alcohol-fueled comic contrast with the strip’s square protagonist. I’m imagining Thirsty shoving that whole pitcher into a plastic bag, taking occasional slurps from it so as to numb the pain of the rest of the afternoon at Foofram Industries.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/12

Speaking of keeping things clean for the kids: Rex Morgan, I know that the newspaper comics industry does impose some restrictions on adult content, but I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to write the phrase “take a bath,” particularly in a strip where you lavish that much attention on the underside of Iris’s breasts.

Mary Worth, 3/27/12

Hmm, yesterday when I referred to this fellow as a “magical hobo”, I meant it as a term of literary criticism, highlighting the fact that he no doubt exists merely to help along the story of the main characters, and that his own wants, needs, and pain are entirely ignored by the narrative. But today we learn that he has the ability to instantly teleport himself from two feet in front of Nola to two feet behind her, presumably via magic.