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Six Chix, 10/23/23

This is at least the second time that Six Chix has done a “ha ha, what if vampires got the blood they need to survive in very chill and non-scary ways” joke, and I’m going to go on the record as not really caring for it. Vampires are dangerous monsters who God has turned His back on, and they use their sexy charisma to lure us into complacency so they can violently drink our blood! The best case scenario for a vampire victime is a painful death, but it’s also possible that they can Turn you into one of them, another damned soul haunting the night and burning with a thirst that can never be truly slaked. If they can just order vials of blood on GrubHub or whatever it’s not fun anymore, and doing this joke so close to Halloween is frankly offensive.

Crock, 10/23/23

Speaking of the eternal torment of the undead, one of my least favorite running “jokes” in Crock is that there’s a live, talking chicken who is constantly being boiled in the fort’s stewpot, always suffering and never dying. This is a pretty baroque and grim bit for a newspaper comic strip; but don’t worry, deploying it doesn’t keep the Crock from its extreme shambolic laziness, as you’ll note that the chicken’s cook/torturer just kind of vanishes between panels one and two; changing the composition to accommodate all three figures would’ve simply been too taxing.

Shoe, 10/23/23

I love the Perfesser’s date’s heavy eyelids of ennui throughout this exchange. She has a truly odd and specific job, and when she first started out in the business, she thought of a fun little joke about it, but it’s been years now and even though she still feels obliged to trot it out … it just doesn’t hit like it used to, you know? She’s tired, you guys, she’s so tired.

Hi and Lois, 10/23/23

Is It Fun To Joke About Our Teen Son Being Horny? Opinions Differ!

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Slylock Fox, 10/17/23

Ahh, an idyllic barnyard scene, featuring various animals relaxing and frolicking with one another, showing no sings of the advanced cognitive abilities necessary to, say, operate a helicopter or have strong opinions about the display and curation of antiquities. What changes might be in store? Could they have something to do with the official Slylock Fox Facebook account’s Word of the Day on Saturday, “Singularity: A hypothetical point in the future when technological growth becomes uncontrollable”? Are we left to imagine that most humans transcended physical form into pure digital energy when this Singularity occurred, leaving behind a few baffled or insane remnants like Count Weirdly and Slick Smitty, with the animals rising to fill the gap in our absence? Or did the technology accidentally enhance the animals instead, bringing them to our level and setting up an inevitable conflict that we lost? Much to think about.

Hi and Lois, 10/17/23

Speaking of change and transformation, it was just last month that we learned that Trixie was beginning to experience physical growth for the first time in her decades of existence. And now Chip has begun doing a chore than has hitherto been his father’s domain! Looks like the progression of linear time is finally catching up with the Flagstons, which is really too bad for them because it means they’ll probably all be dead soon.

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Dick Tracy, 10/16/23

Dick Tracy loves gadgets, of course, but I assume he’s bored and vaguely disgusted with fancy “forensics,” because they allows detectives to learn information about criminals with zero investigatory violence to speak of. But his face in panel three looks truly deranged, like a lot of horrible things are falling into place for him. “Fluids, eh? You’re telling me this fancy detecting machine needs bodily fluids from suspects in order to work? I bet I know how I can get some.”

Slylock Fox, 10/16/23

Today, as Cassandra attempts to liberate a plundered piece of cultural heritage and return it to the few remaining Egyptian humans left after the animalpocalypse, I find myself contemplating Slylock’s customized “Fox-Flyer” helicopter. Is it truly “his,” as the caption refers to it, meaning that he’s a private contractor who owns his own equipment, insisting on high fees from the Forest Kingdom’s treasury in order to provide the law enforcement capacity that the state lacks? Or is he a public servant with enough clout that he demands the government pay for a series of whimsically fox-themed devices that enhance his personal brand? Either way, it seems he has more in common with his supposed enemy Count Weirdly than he would care to admit.

Hi and Lois, 10/16/23

This is great. The whole Flagston family is angry and sad! That’s the joke!

The Lockhorns, 10/16/23

You guys, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: THE LOCKHORNS ARE MILLENNIALS