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Blondie, 3/15/25

You gotta imagine that, when you’re talking to Dagwood Bumstead, there’s always a danger that he’s going to stare off into the distance, licking his lips, as he descends into a food-driven fugue state. It’s probably pretty off-putting and it’s honestly surprising that more people don’t just avoid him. Certainly his mailman has no real professional obligation to interact with him as much as he does!

Daddy Daze, 3/15/25

The central mystery of Daddy Daze is, I suppose, whether the Daddy Daze baby actually communicates with the Daddy Daze daddy in an elaborate language of “ba”s that the Daddy Daze daddy can understand, or if literally every strip we see is just the Daddy Daze daddy doing an elaborate series of bits with a baby who is too young to consent to participate in them. But the secondary mystery is undoubtedly “Why are the “Daddy Daze daddy and the infrequently seen Daddy Daze mommy no longer together, despite the fact that they had a baby together quite recently?” Today, the answer is clearly that, whether the baby is a willing participant or not, a life with the Daddy Daze daddy is obviously a life spent subject to endless bits, and such a life is to be avoided at all costs.

Judge Parker, 3/15/25

Aw, isn’t that nice? Randy is sad about his sister going to prison, so his trained CIA assassin wife is helping him cope by cutting off his oxygen supply, sending him off to a peaceful sleep, possibly forever.

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The Lockhorns, 3/12/25

Why do you think Loretta is in the room with Leroy as he gets his physical? Is it just so she can do little bits like this? If I were H. Blog, M.D., the Lockhorns’ longtime and long-suffering physician, I would simply begin insisting that I would only see them one at a time, although maybe he hopes that in the process of doing bits the spouse not currently being examined will let slip important medical information. This is the first he’s hearing that Leroy’s in an underground fight club, for instance.

Judge Parker, 3/12/25

I’d like to imagine that Randy is giving this flabbergasted reaction in the second panel because, despite being a judge himself, this is the first he’s hearing about the concept of a “plea bargain.” “Wait, you mean when all those people just give up and tell me at the beginning of the trial that they did it, I’m supposed to be sentencing them to less time in prison? Aw crap have I been doing this wrong!!!”

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Mary Worth, 3/3/25

Big news, everybody: Wilbur’s back! Wilbur’s back, and he’s giggling coyly about the fun he’s been having on the Mayan Riviera. It’s funny, you’d think that after 20 years following this guy’s antics there wouldn’t be anything new he could say that on the surface seems largely unobjectionable but nevertheless sends me spiraling into a seething episode in which I curse the sea for rejecting him not once but twice. And yet here I am, starting my week staring “It was fun and relaxing… Hee hee!” in the face, and not liking it.

Dick Tracy, 3/3/25

Folks … big news … a third nephew has hit this Dick Tracy storyline. We are going to be treated to nephew after nephew, each more lightweight and gormless than the last, until we’re all nephew’d out.

Judge Parker, 3/3/25

Hey, remember how Sophie made Ann’s murder charge go away by hacking into drone footage and proving she didn’t do it? Well, everyone got a nice little thrill from that lovely moment, but it’s too bad that other exoneration drones weren’t following her around over her last couple decades of petty scams and whatnot because she’s definitely going to jail for that. Honestly kind of mean of the cops to let her have a big emotional moment out here on the courthouse steps just so they could arrest her and extradite her moments later.

Gil Thorp, 3/3/25

Hey, were you wondering how Marty’s drinking binge was going? Well, panel three has it all wrapped up in a nutshell: wild eyes, his hair long and greasy, his goatee subsumed into a shaggy beard, his usual polo shirts traded for some kind of vintage fur-lined coat. Honestly, he looks great. This is the coolest he’s looked in years. This is not the lesson we should be teaching our kids.

Pickles, 3/3/25

Ha ha! That’s funny, man. So, are you, uh, are you going to change the furnace filter or what.