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The Lockhorns, 3/12/25

Why do you think Loretta is in the room with Leroy as he gets his physical? Is it just so she can do little bits like this? If I were H. Blog, M.D., the Lockhorns’ longtime and long-suffering physician, I would simply begin insisting that I would only see them one at a time, although maybe he hopes that in the process of doing bits the spouse not currently being examined will let slip important medical information. This is the first he’s hearing that Leroy’s in an underground fight club, for instance.

Judge Parker, 3/12/25

I’d like to imagine that Randy is giving this flabbergasted reaction in the second panel because, despite being a judge himself, this is the first he’s hearing about the concept of a “plea bargain.” “Wait, you mean when all those people just give up and tell me at the beginning of the trial that they did it, I’m supposed to be sentencing them to less time in prison? Aw crap have I been doing this wrong!!!”

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Mary Worth, 3/3/25

Big news, everybody: Wilbur’s back! Wilbur’s back, and he’s giggling coyly about the fun he’s been having on the Mayan Riviera. It’s funny, you’d think that after 20 years following this guy’s antics there wouldn’t be anything new he could say that on the surface seems largely unobjectionable but nevertheless sends me spiraling into a seething episode in which I curse the sea for rejecting him not once but twice. And yet here I am, starting my week staring “It was fun and relaxing… Hee hee!” in the face, and not liking it.

Dick Tracy, 3/3/25

Folks … big news … a third nephew has hit this Dick Tracy storyline. We are going to be treated to nephew after nephew, each more lightweight and gormless than the last, until we’re all nephew’d out.

Judge Parker, 3/3/25

Hey, remember how Sophie made Ann’s murder charge go away by hacking into drone footage and proving she didn’t do it? Well, everyone got a nice little thrill from that lovely moment, but it’s too bad that other exoneration drones weren’t following her around over her last couple decades of petty scams and whatnot because she’s definitely going to jail for that. Honestly kind of mean of the cops to let her have a big emotional moment out here on the courthouse steps just so they could arrest her and extradite her moments later.

Gil Thorp, 3/3/25

Hey, were you wondering how Marty’s drinking binge was going? Well, panel three has it all wrapped up in a nutshell: wild eyes, his hair long and greasy, his goatee subsumed into a shaggy beard, his usual polo shirts traded for some kind of vintage fur-lined coat. Honestly, he looks great. This is the coolest he’s looked in years. This is not the lesson we should be teaching our kids.

Pickles, 3/3/25

Ha ha! That’s funny, man. So, are you, uh, are you going to change the furnace filter or what.

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Gil Thorp, 2/25/25

Keri Thorp has been struggling with an eating disorder, and apparently their therapist has recommended equine therapy. Did you know that horses are prey animals? Did you know that some clinicians believe that you can overcome the psychological issues associated with eating disorders by channeling your “inner wolf”? Did you know that the Milford teachers union negotiated a very generous health insurance package for its members, with particularly comprehensive mental health coverage for educators and family members? Step 1: You get to know horses and their weaknesses in a controlled environment. Step 2: You’re parachuted into the Mongolian steppe. Step 3 gets a little messy but I think you can see where we’re going with this.

Judge Parker, 2/25/25

Wow! That sure sounds interesting! If only this were a visual medium, and we could’ve seen some of that action, instead of just seeing other people reacting to it and then hearing Sam Driver describing it while staring manfully into the middle distance. Maybe we’ll also learn third-hand how this 100% illegally obtained evidence entered the official record of Anne’s case, if we’re lucky!

Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/25

Herb commits any number of sinister deeds during the course of his day, and can only live with himself by dissociating at night, as if all that evil were the fault of someone else entirely. It’s sad, it really is!

Pluggers, 2/25/25

Man, I always thought one of the perks of being a plugger would be a blissful lack of self-awareness and self-reflection, but I look at this plugger’s face! He is reflecting upon himself pretty hard and does not like what he’s become aware of as a result.