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Gil Thorp, 9/7/24

Best. Gil Thorp. Ever.

Flash Gordon, 9/7/24

Ergon, leader of the Power Men who maintain the capital’s tunnels, negotiates concessions from Empress Aura and King Barin. Mongo’s monarchy may be in decline, but its public-service unions are top-notch. You think Ming the Merciless would’ve put up with this crap?

Judge Parker, 9/6/24

A Spencer daughter, ignoring the advice of her sassy Black girlfriend, intrudes into the dysfunctional and possibly criminal drama surrounding a potential romantic partner’s family. And they’re gonna keep telling this story until they either get it right or fall comes to Cavelton, whichever comes first.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/7/24

Gotta say, “Crabitol” sounds more like an ointment than a record label.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/7/24

Alas, poor Truck. His pickin’ finger “locked up” and hurt him last Tuesday, and now he’s consumed by fear: focal dystonia? Multiple sclerosis? Knuckle cancer? His mind reels. But Truck lives in a medical desert, long miles from any competent professional who might take the slightest interest in his anxiety and pain. Nothing to do but sit, really. Sit, Truck. Just sit.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Gil Thorp, 9/3/24

I always joke about how the good people of Milford and the greater Valley Conference catchment area at large are completely crazed over high school sports. What I hadn’t reckoned with is that, in the age of social media, what had until recently been a local phenomenon has gone national. Just as TikTok users everywhere now watch endless videos about sorority rush at the University of Alabama with mingled fascination and horror, so too have sports fans been drawn into the drama and excitement of the football season for the Mudlarks and their rivals; and as today’s strip makes clear, the memetic vector for this viral trend is Mary Moon’s podcast, which has had the side effect of making Marty a celebrity as well. But at what cost? Look at his grim facial expression in panel three there. He knows how the game is played in the year 2024, and he knows the only way to become a successful content creator is to get personal, to share your own struggles, no matter how damaging and humiliating. So yeah, this reporter knows about Marty. She knows about the drinking, about the on-air meltdowns, about perpetrating fraud on CPS, about the time he was financially ruined by “friendly” golf bets. She knows about all of it, and he knows she knows, and it’s honestly killing him. He just wanted to report on sports, like Howard Cosell and Chris Berman, and maybe get a little recognition for it. That’s all he ever wanted. Did those guys ever have to publicly gut themselves three times a week for the amusement of the vultures streaming on Spotify, then pull themselves together enough to read the copy for a mattress ad?

Gasoline Alley, 9/3/24

If you find the emotional intensity of Gil Thorp too much, may I recommend Gasoline Alley? In the latest plot developments, Walt’s new cat didn’t want to eat her food, so Gertie got a new flavor and now she’s eating again. This took two weeks!

Judge Parker, 9/3/24

Ah, yes: piles of putrid uncanned trash rapidly baking in the early September sun … a college undergraduate smiling cruelly at a text about someone getting dumped, possibly her … just another day in the greatest city in the world! Da Big Apple, baby!!!!

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Judge Parker, 8/21/24

You know, back in the day, young Sophie was a real nerd who used to spend a lot of time on laptops analyzing grim data about wars and environmental collapse and such. Then she hit puberty and got sort of boy crazy and remade herself into a mean girl super cheerleader. Now, having entered college and become a young adult, she’s finally managed to integrate the two sides of her personality, learning to flirt with a hot boy while using her laptop to scour video footage for evidence of his father’s death.

Mary Worth, 8/21/24

It’s a tough, expensive, and sometimes thankless journey to becoming a veterinarian, but think of the benefits: when your betrothed starts getting tiresome about all the wedding-planning details, you can just look her straight in the eye and say “Every time you say another color name at me, another cat dies. Is that what you want? Dead cats?” You can’t pull that sort of power move if you have some dumb spreadsheet job, that’s for sure.

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/24

“Every day, the number of Dennis iterations increases! This simply isn’t sustainable! It’s a menace to the very nature of our reality!”