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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/14/26

I guess the point of this strip is “You never get what you want when you want it,” but for at least a brief moment I thought Snuffy looked so sad because he considers himself in his way to be a steward of the land. During deer-huntin’ season, people have killed so many deer that bears roam the countryside, near starving for lack of prey, and then in bear-huntin’ season, deer multiply out of control due to lack of predators. That’s why he had to shoot these critters out of season, sheriff! He’s helpin’ the local ecosystem!

Gil Thorp, 9/14/26

Based on the extremely visible stars in the sky, I’m guessing this is a night game played without adequate lighting. Presumably Oakwood is the home team and this gives them an advantage based on their day-glow yellow uniforms. Obviously the Mudlark QB is going to throw right to them, they’re the only ones visible on the field!

Pluggers, 9/14/26

I regret to inform you all that there are only two viable options here: that pluggers think “bedroom eyes” mean what your eyes look like when you’re sleepy, or that they think that sometimes a plugger will make eyes at you implying that they want you to come over and fuck them right there on their recliner and that this is what those eyes look like, like they’re dying.

Judge Parker, 9/14/26

Good news: Judge Parker Emeritus Senior got a job, to give his life meaning. Bad news: he apparently has to get up at 6:00 am to get to it? Maybe a meaningless life isn’t so bad after all, let’s not be hasty.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/26

Remember: it’s not just mandatory that nothing bad ever happen to the Morgan family. The Morgan family must be fully insulated by the narrative from ever knowing that anything bad might have potentially happened to them. And, mission accomplished! Looks like we can wrap up the week’s strips with this one and [checks calendar] aw CRAP

Mary Worth, 9/14/26

“Did he die? Is he finally dead? Because he still owes me money from when I sold him weed six years ago. I mean, it wasn’t actually weed, it was oregano, but he didn’t know that.”

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Judge Parker, 9/1/26

The best-case scenario when an attractive younger woman marries a rich, driven older man — well, I guess the best-case scenario is that they genuinely like one another, but the second-best-scenario is that the older man got to be so very rich because he’s so very driven, specifically career-driven, and therefore you as the younger woman can enjoy the financial and social benefits of being married to him without, you know, having to spend a ton of time hanging out with him. But because part of the whole deal is that you are younger than him, you run a greater than average risk that your husband will become a depressed old drunk who just kind of hangs around the house all day, cramping your style. Thus, Katherine is eagerly agreeing to Judge Parker Emeritus Senior’s suggestion that he go down to the courthouse and take care of whatever odd jobs they have for him down there. Is he completely with it these days, mentally? Enh, maybe, maybe not, but that’s the Cavelton court system’s problem now. They’re probably equipped to handle it, right?

Gil Thorp, 9/1/26

“Ahh, another school year begun. I’m virtuously setting the tone and putting student athletes first … tryout numbers are strong despite declines in enrollment … God I’m good. I’d make out with myself if it were possible. Wait, thanks to my uncannily clear reflection in this window, it is!” [vivid, unpleasant sounds of tongue wiping across glass]

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Andy Capp, 8/28/26

Guitar Bob is an Andy Capp ancillary character who may have been around since the strip launched in the ’50s or may have been spawned in the long zombie era of the last several decades, who can say, but I have to admit today’s strip offers a look into his life that kind of intrigues me. Clearly Andy’s constant jibes loom large in his mind, to the point that he couldn’t even enjoy his positive reception at the folk club on its own terms but instead filed it away as something he could throw in his antagonist’s face. And Andy manages to devastate him again with a throwaway quip that barely makes sense! Obviously he didn’t give the audience their money back, but you can tell that whatever feeling of accomplishment he experienced has been undone in a moment. Sad!

Crock, 8/28/26

I used to play a fun (“fun”) game where I would try to guess the date of a Crock rerun based on its ham-handed cultural references, but King Features has taken that away from me by ceasing to bother with replacing the original copyright date. So now I just get to contemplate the window into a lost world that these strips offer. For instance, remember 1998? Remember how, in the days before YouTube, we were all calling one another offering to mail VHS tapes of helpful how-to vids? I mean, I don’t remember this at all, it’s not ringing any bells, but I spent most of 1998 mired in a series of romantic and academic crises so I wasn’t really paying very close attention, I admit.

Judge Parker, 8/28/26

Hey, remember how Judge Parker Emeritus Senior has been kind of losing it, maybe because he has dementia or maybe because he’s a drunk, but it seemed like he was kind of rallying in his attempt to help Ann get a job? Well, Ann is a big-shot TV consultant now, so now he can go back to his first love, being a Judge, or a “judicial hearing officer,” which I assume is kind of like being an assistant judge and is a job you can hold if you’re kind of old and slow, and also spent time in jail. You might think that he’d be happier just hanging around his giant mansion with his granddaughter and newly returned family members, but Judge Parker Emeritus Junior over there has done a number of crimes himself that have ruined his career for good, so apparently someone around here has to start pulling in a paycheck.

Mary Worth, 8/28/26

“Yes, Mary, I should live outside of routine every once in a while! Variety is the spice of life! I’ll have” [thinks for 15 seconds, brain starts to freeze up, panic sets in] “the exact same thing you’re having.”