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Mark Trail, 11/13/15

This game of cat-and-mouse has gone on long enough. Mark and Ken lurked in the bushes and let the bad guys empty the clips of their machine guns harmlessly into other bushes; now, the punching can begin. Mark graciously allows Ken first punch, and it’s a doozy: a flying leap that catches two bad guys at once, sending their sunglasses and now-useless firearms flying. Kudos to the anonymous colorist for accurately recognizing that arc of liquid coming from the left-hand bad guy’s mouth and making it blood red! Anyway, if this is what Ken has to offer, surely Mark’s punchery is going to be even more impressive.

Curtis, 11/13/15

When Curtis launched in 1988, it totally made cultural sense for Curtis to be a huge fan of rap music and for his dad to hate it. Now, nearly 30 years later, thanks to comics time this is not so much the case: it seems unlikely that Greg, the father of two young children, is much older than 45 or so, which would have made him a teenager himself during the age of old-school hip-hop. Anyway, the matter of Greg’s age has been left more or less untouched for most of the strip, which is why it’s all the more shocking to learn that one of his first-ever crushes co-existed with the age of web browsing, which would certainly make him younger … than … me? Oh my God I’m older than Curtis’s dad

Crankshaft, 11/13/15

I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of our post-9/11 surveillance state, but if Crankshaft just accidentally watched an al-Qaeda video and is now on some government watchlist that will get him extremely thoroughly searched every time he flies anywhere, I’m not gonna complain.

Blondie, 11/13/15

JULIUS C. DITHERS: BRONY

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Mary Worth and The Phantom, 11/4/15

Welp, here it is, as foretold in prophecy: the Mary Worth–Phantom crossover that none of us knew we wanted until we realized that we had it. Perhaps little psychic Olive will turn out to be the key in some great Phantom-style adventure, or perhaps Olive, like Shelly before her, will serve as the ostensible reason Mary went to New York but will be quickly discarded when someone more interesting comes along, in this case the cheerful, non-street-smart daughter of an immortal jungle superhero. At the moment, I’m intrigued by the fact that we’re seeing the same moment in the story, but with slightly different dialogue. Is this to emphasize, Rashomon-style, that an objective recounting of past events is impossible? In this case, what appears to be a straightforward narrative is actually a pair of later recollections: Heloise’s story is being read in the Skull Cave Chronicle Chamber by some descendant of the family in the unknowably distant future; Mary’s version is being recounted poolside at Charterstone over salmon squares to Toby, who’s been Xanax’d into sullen compliance.

Mark Trail, 11/4/15

Speaking of action-packed soap opera adventure, this current Mark Trail storyline doesn’t need to cross over with another strip to reach multiple audiences! Today, for fans of people wildly spraying automatic gunfire, we’ve got the guy wildly spraying automatic gunfire in panel one; and for fans of shapely asses, thighs, and calves, we’ve got Mark’s shapely ass, thighs, and calves in panel three.

Apartment 3-G, 11/4/15

“Gabby! This man nurtured his love for Margo during his years of recovery in a Tibetan nunnery, journeyed to New York to save her from danger that he had detected with his Buddhist mind powers, and has hovered by her bedside nonstop during her coma! Obviously his romantic interest in her is very tenuous, and any potential nagging from his beloved’s parents could push him away. For God’s sake, never ask him any follow-up questions about anything ever!”

Judge Parker, 11/4/15

Oh, hey, remember how Sophie wanted to go to military school and learn to kill, because the boy she liked was probably going to fool around with another girl at a party? Well, good news: that other girl didn’t even go to the party because she got in trouble for drugs, so Sophie’s going to stay in public school for now, explore her burgeoning teenage sexuality with a willing and now unencumbered partner, and figure out some other way to ruin the world while aggrandizing her own power at later date (probably the finance industry).

Funky Winkerbean, 11/4/15

Haha, true story: for a significant period of time after I read this strip, I thought Cory had sold the comic book collection his mother had lovingly assembled as a way to feel close to him because he needed to … buy a ring to propose to his mom? But no, I guess that’s to propose to his girlfriend or whatever, which everyone will think is perfectly OK. Remember, kids, throwing money at the wedding-industrial complex and the notoriously evil diamond industry is virtuous! Thank goodness he didn’t spend the money on a car or a house or something practical that he and Rocky might be able to use for years to come.

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Hi and Lois, 10/31/15

I’m gonna pass over the extremely half-assed costuming going on here (hey guys, zombies have rotting flesh and they don’t speak English, this is wholly inaccurate) and point out that Thirsty is looking pretty rough. Glowing nose, multi-day beard growth — and wouldn’t Irma normally be the one handing out candy? I’m assuming she left him and he’s been on a multi-day bender ever since.

Mark Trail, 10/31/15

Awwwwwwwwww yeah, another boat explosion in Mark Trail. That’s the stuff, baby. Keep it coming. Keep it coming.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/31/15

YEAH GOSH WHY WOULD THE HEAD OF SECURITY SIDE WITH HUGH INSTEAD OF MILTON

SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT

MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE MILTON IS VISIBLY NON COMPOS MENTIS AND HIS WIFE JUST CHANGED ALL THE COMPANY PASSWORDS, THROWING THE WHOLE BUSINESS INTO CHAOS

WHEREAS HUGH HAS THE BACKING OF THE COMPANY’S SHAREHOLDERS

I DUNNO, I’M JUST SPITBALLING HERE