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Mark Trail, 3/29/14

OK, fine, I haven’t been keeping you properly up to date on the doings in Mark Trail, but at least I’m letting you know when Mark finally gets around to punching someone! Let’s all … wait, what? That’s … that’s not Mark’s fist? That’s Mark’s face? Oh, man, I gotta … I gotta lay down. Gotta rest up. Rest up for next week. There’s gonna be all kinds of punching next week. Mark hasn’t been punched in a while. You can tell from the dust cloud that puffs out from where Marlin’s fist makes impact. He’s not going to like this. Not one bit.

Apartment 3-G, 3/29/14

Wait, did Lily the deer just say “bleat”? Jeez, the forest animals are never going to accept her city ways! “I say, fellow deer, this grass certainly is more lush than what I’m used to in Central Park! Anything around here to wash it down with? Surely there must be a Starbucks nearby! Bleat!”

B.C. and Wizard of Id, 3/29/14

B.C. did a joke about “haters” and Wizard of Id did a joke about “cougars,” in case you were still holding on to your will to live! The best I can say here is that at least B.C. didn’t try to draw a hater.

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Gil Thorp, 3/18/14

Wow, here’s some serious narrative compression, nicely mirrored by matching enormous facepalms in the outside panels. Baseball season begins, and the highlight of the Ritual Roster Reading is the need to cover third base using accident-prone “Lucky” Haskins, whom we met yesterday losing an encounter with a kitchen cabinet door. Fast-forward to “Sure, Milford lost the playdowns, but Haskins wasn’t to blame, because baseball takes more than luck! It takes skill, and practice, and dedication, and we have none of those things! Oh yeah, and coaching – how did I even forget that?”

Kaz is going to kill himself if he keeps lifting like that.

Hi and Lois, 3/18/14

Made over, made up, and drowsy with happiness in her new home in the Valley, Irma Thurston tells Lois how she dumped Thirsty for a career in porn, as one of her co-stars wanders through with a prop.

Mark Trail, 3/18/14

Whenever one of his stories gets complicated, Mark calls a real journalist like this guy.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/17/14

“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re collecting a gambling debt!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re with the NSA!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a bounty hunter!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his estranged wife!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re his criminal rival!”
“I guess there’s no harm, since you’re a cop! May I also direct you to the shallow, unmarked graves of his victims?”

Crankshaft, 3/17/14

The quest for a Prime Mover led Thomas Aquinas to God. But in the Funkyverse, the search for ultimate causes always winds up in somebody’s attic with a goddamn comic book.

Curtis, 3/17/14

Oh, that Curtis — such an imp! His creator, too:

I seriously hope this isn’t foreshadowing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/14

June Morgan becomes a part-time adjunct professor, a.k.a. Becka’s Revenge. Don’t expect any free clams from this gig, sweetie.

— Uncle Lumpy