Archive: Mark Trail

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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A very special old-timey Mark Trail, discovered at an estate sale by faithful reader Charterstoned!

Mark Trail, 10/8/1953

It’s topical because it features Johnny Mallotte, who Mark is about revisit in the great Bible Goose Band adventure. Apparently Johnny and Mark were adrift on an ice floe and have been driven mad with hunger, and are now going to feast on this seal (or, as they seem to have called them in the ’50s, this “animal”). Too bad, Mark! It’s still alive! The look on his face in panel three is priceless — he’s about ready to jump right into the icy water, polar-bear-style, to get that seal with his bare hands. Andy looks similarly alarmed, possibly because he knows where the men will turn for food if they can’t catch anything else.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Let’s not allow the nudity to distract us from the real shocking plot twist here: Lu Ann was thinking!” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean can make even option contracts seem boring. Oh, wait. Meanwhile, Judge Parker can make even employment contracts involve cleavage.” –Carly

“If you’re wondering why Lu Ann is so heart-broken that no one has need for her lemonade anymore, I’d like to point out that A3G has never discussed how these three ladies have divided the rent. Perhaps, years ago, Tommie and Margo took pity on poor ol’ Lu Ann and let her have her space in the apartment in exchange for ‘lemonade services,’ which are slowly no longer required. (Please don’t google ‘apartment 3G lemonade services.’ It doesn’t lead to good things.)” –Guy Yedwab

“My first thought also was that the glass Lu Ann is holding was empty, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps its contents are just totally transparent, more so than even weak lemonade would be. In other words, I think Lu Ann has just invented waterade.” –Shrug

No thanks, Lu Ann. I have a meeting with Nina — we’re creating a Mills Scholarship Fund and if I drink that lemonade, something bad might happen that will thwart my plans. I might have to go to the bathroom at a crucial moment in the negotiations. I might get a piece of lemon pulp stuck between my front teeth and that could blow the whole deal. Sorry, Lu Ann. Having a glass of lemonade right now is too risky.” –charterstoned

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, if this is leading up to LuAnn deciding to get married and have a baby just because nobody wants her stupid lemonade, that will be totally — well, actually a pretty believable development based on LuAnn’s character.” –Violet

“I grew up in NYC and can say with absolute certainty that NO ONE in NYC would have curtains like that. They’ve been illegal since the 70s.” –SF_Reader

“Even a completely nude Lu Ann, floating dreamily in a bath, is so boring that the most easily offended comics reader will forget why they started writing their latest angry letter to the editor.” –Ed Dravecky

Meanwhile, in Apartment 2-G water is pouring through the bathroom ceiling.” –Walker of Dog

Also, too long to reproduce here but worthy of your attention are Kristian’s “Have You now a Strategy to Woo the Dashing Derek?” and Cloudbuster’s vision of Mark’s interview with the mysterious bird bander.

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Mark Trail, 8/8/11

You guys, Mark Trail is on the case of this crazy biblical goose mystery, if by “on the case” you mean “heading down to the local U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service branch office to shoot the breeze for an hour or four”. More proof of government waste! How do these people have the time to jaw with random weirdos about geese or whatever when they should focusing on which wild animals can be most profitable harvested for their lovely coats? Anyway, this US&FWSer doesn’t just have an incredibly awkward/sexy way of sitting on a desk; he also has a decent memory for strange combinations of God and waterfowl. “Yeah, I heard about this sort of thing years ago, so I put a little pushpin in this map, right here near the Canadian border, just in case it ever happened again. They all laughed at me. ‘C’mon, Bob, take the pushpin out of the map,’ they said. Now I can put a second one in! Who’s laughing now?”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/8/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because murder and theft are very profitable!

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Mark Trail, 8/3/11

Oh my goodness, is something new and different happening in Mark Trail? Longtime readers know that the only good guy characters in Mark Trail other than Mark and his family are (a) square-jawed lawmen, (b) eccentric but lovable cabin-dwelling rustics, and (c) little children who love animals. The only acceptable bad guys are (a) animal-nappers, (b) smugglers, (c) thieves, (d) nature-hating developers, and (e) corrupt politicians. Nowhere on this grid is there room for a mysterious individual or group who attaches gold bands with bible verses on them to hapless geese. Who is this bizarre goose-centric sect? Are they a band of apocalyptic hermits who believe that these majestic birds with their huge wingspans and trumpeting cries are the angels spoken of in the Book of Revelation? Will their religious certainty resist even Mark’s fists? Will they kidnap Rusty and mold his feeble, pliable mind to match their monomania? I am extremely interested in finding out.

Spider-Man, 8/3/11

Exciting as it is to see a continuity strip do something new, it can be reassuring when one of them keeps on with its usual antics. For instance, Spider-Man is still an incompetent feeb! All’s right with the world.