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Mary Worth, 11/8/10

So why exactly does Adrian put up with Jill pushing her around again? Last week I suggested that it might be because Adrian derives unseemly enjoyment from being pushed around, but we can’t ignore the possibility that it’s just a result of wholly justified fear of violent consequences. After all, today’s strip makes it clear that Jill is in fact a terrifying giantess, looming a full head taller than the normal humans around her, who will always obey her lest their bones be crushed to make her bread.

Like many freakish mega-hominids, Jill is a bit behind the times when it comes to fashions. Jill, simple, low-key designs are what all the snobs are after these days. You aren’t seriously pushing Adrian towards some kind of curlicued frippery, are you? If you’re going to be supercilious, you’ve got to stay on the cutting edge of modern tastes, or you risk becoming ridiculous — more ridiculous than a giantess in a stationery store is normally, even.

Herb and Jamaal, 11/8/10

I like how put out Herb looks in the final panel here. Come on, Jamaal, just because you never talk about the sex afterwards doesn’t mean you have to pretend every time that you’ve never done it before.

Mark Trail, 11/8/10

So Saturday’s excitement resulted from a deer leaping into the road, sacrificing herself to save Mark’s life? Huh. I don’t think any of us were expecting that, although not so much in a “what a surprising but satisfying narrative twist!” way but rather in a “SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL” way.

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Mark Trail, 11/6/10

Mark Trail generally doesn’t do cliffhangers per se, preferring to let its narrative unspool in a steady, undifferentiated flow of lunacy. But this Saturday strip is enough to get even those sad souls who don’t spend their weekends thinking about Mark Trail eager for Monday’s installment. Future Governor Frank’s 100 percent foolproof scheme to run Mark off the road to his death, an act which nobody could possibly trace back to him unless they thought about what’s happened in this plot so far for more than two or three seconds, seems to have hit a snag. But what could it be that’s elicited such a mega-bolded WHAT TH’– from our crafty politician? Could Mark’s car be sprouting a protective fist of justice, hurtling out of the front grill so powerfully that not even Frank’s half-ton truck will survive impact?

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/10

By promoting the so-called “Daylight Savings Time” that the secret One World Government has imposed upon us to crush free societies everywhere, Dennis has achieved his highest levels of menace yet.

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Archie, 10/25/10

The lame ostensible joke in today’s Archie is hardly worthy of mention, though I do like the all-purpose “ARCHIE DID IT” frame-up note Coach Whoever is holding in panel one. But I’m intrigued by the scene in panel two, in which we see that the Riverdale team mascot is so committed to his mascotting duties that he stays in his sweaty, claustrophobic fursuit even when there’s no game on and he’s trying to woo the ladies. Perhaps he’s been told that his eyes are his best feature, and he believes that their sexiness will be enhanced if his face is obscured by a fake dog-neck and only his eyes are visible, staring eerily out of an otherwise black slit. He is mistaken.

I suspect that he in fact is the one who framed Archie, since the strip protagonist’s well-known if incomprehensible sex appeal was probably ruining the chances of all the other male-types in the room. This strip also makes this episode from last year even less comprehensible, since the squirrel-man in the background there doesn’t even have the excuse of “Oh, I’m the team mascot” to exist. Perhaps at some point the school board decided that the “Dogs Of Indeterminate Breed” made a more menacing team avatar than the “Insanely Grinning Tree-Rodents.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/10

Clearly Tommie’s slightly different haircut is not enough to radically alter her personality, because Aunt Iris is here to loosen her up! This will be fun until we find out that Iris is actually in New York because her home’s been foreclosed and she’s one step ahead of her creditors.

Mark Trail, 10/25/10

While there is literally no way within the laws of physics as we know them to defend against Mark Trail’s fists, it’s actually quite easy to win a battle of wits against him, as he’s a semi-autistic with little understanding of how and why humans behave in the way they do. “What’s that, man who I punched in the face and publicly humiliated just days ago? You want to help me with something? That’s great! How helpful of you! Yes, I will meet you in the ambush-location of your choosing!”