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Mark Trail, 3/4/20

Oh, huh, it turns out that Rusty hasn’t been kept away from the Forest Explorers for their protection, but for his, because they’re “bad kids” who are being taught a lesson by taking them out into nature and “get[ting] them involved.” Involved … in … something? Forest crimes, maybe? Is Geoff a modern-day Fagin, running a gang of backwoods child criminals? If so, we have to wonder if Rusty will narc them out to Mark or if, his mind and morals softened up by the cyberbullying filth of the comics pages, he decides to join them in their sinister schemes.

Marvin, 3/4/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Jeff finds his own son unbearable, and now uses the child’s worst qualities as tools of revenge on a world he despises!

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Family Circus, 2/1/20

No, it isn’t.

Marvin, 2/1/20

…yes?

Crankshaft, 2/1/20

Good news, everyone: Crankshaft died horribly!

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Dick Tracy, 1/24/20

Oh, hmm, it looks like bank robber/Styx aficionado/robot cosplay enthusiast Mr. Roboto is a theater critic in his everyday life, and he’s become sexually fixated on Mysta Chimera playing the role of the sinister robotrix Futura in Vitamin Flintheart’s stage production of Metropolis (not unlike Vitamin himself). The really sad thing is that Mysta is already a gangster’s daughter who’s memories were wiped and body was transformed by injections of moon-alien DNA. Isn’t that interesting and sci-fi-y enough for this creep? Why does she has to dress up like a robot as well to catch his interest?

Marvin, 1/24/20

There’s this whole running plot this week in Marvin where Jeff is hanging out at a motorcycle showroom with tough bikers that I don’t even want to go into because it’s so dumb and bad, but I am saddened by today’s strip, in which Jeff declares one of the bumper stickers on display “pretty funny.” Which of these lame non-jokes managed to prompt a grin from this pathetic man? “Bike at you!”, which I guess is supposed to be a takeoff of “Back at you”? “I [heart] the road” or “Leather rules,” which aren’t even supposed to be funny? This is a truly pathetic look into the joy-starved soul of Jeff Miller, if this is what briefly brightens the terrible darkness within him.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/24/20

“So, yeah, I didn’t fuck Les back in the day, but every year as I get older and less desirable, I have to ask myself, ‘Would I now?’ So far, every year the answer’s been a solid no, thank God. Uh, no offense.”