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Shoe, 9/28/20

A thing I will never get tired of is the facial expressions in Shoe, which convey a message that is very much not “ha ha, we’re birds but we think we’re people!” and really much more “God, the burden of existence is crushing.” The Perfesser’s look in panel one is one that we’re used to, basically conveying the message that everything has been going so badly for so long that he can’t feel anything any more; Irv, on the other hand, is looking at his phone with a narrow-eyed rage that I honestly find refreshing. Sure, he’s made a lot of money off this car over the years, but it’s garbage, you understand, garbage, and he refuses to work on it anymore. It offends him as a mechanic that it’s even in his garage, and he’s tired of the Perfesser not recognizing this essential truth.

Mary Worth, 9/28/20

I love how everyone’s take on Iris at this point is “She seems in good spirits, but we don’t see her around much, because of all the sex she’s having.” This isn’t just idle gossip, though: Mary is of course the main power on the Charterstone condo board, and Toby, with Madi’s help, cemented her own influence with a perfect dessert. It seems like somebody is going to be dragged before the next board meeting, confronted with the HOA bylaws about owner occupancy, and slut-shamed into paying some hefty fines.

Mark Trail, 9/28/20

Wow, did Mark have to sleep on the couch because his open weeping about Andy was too annoying? That is ice cold, Cherry.

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The Lockhorns, 9/25/20

What with his suburban lifestyle, his commute by rail, and his Jets and Mets fandom, Leroy has always clearly been a creature of Long Island. However, given that the Mets last won a World Series 34 years ago and yet Leroy looks not a day older today than he does in that photo, we must come to the terrifying conclusion that he’s a creature of another kind — namely, one that drains the life force of others in order to gain eternal youth. Perhaps the source of his energy is the hapless Mets themselves, which Leroy doesn’t even realize, which means that he can only continue to walk the earth as long as their on-field failure continues? This seems fully in line with his general cursed air.

Family Circus, 9/25/20

Jeffy, it’s not a question of how old you have to be as much as one of how smart you have to be. So, uh, good luck with that!

Mary Worth, 9/25/20

“Why sales? Have you done it before?”

“Uh…”

[SMASH CUT TO: TOMMY’S THOUGHT BALLOON]

Mary Worth, 10/5-12/04

“…no, not, uh, not really.”

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Mary Worth, 9/24/20

Well, Tommy’s given his life over the Christ and he doesn’t do crimes anymore — no more meth dealing, and not even any more pharmacy fraud. But is dining and dashing really a sin? In Matthew 12, Jesus endorses taking grain from other people’s fields if you’re hungry, even if it’s the sabbath! Hope you can run fast, Brandy.

Blondie, 9/24/20

“Oh, by the way, honey, you’re on speaker, even though I’m talking into the handset. Almost like our universe is built out of a limited set of clip art that can’t be added to or modified even for a visual that’s central to the gag we’re trying to do. Anyway, please cook something nice for my asshole boss.”