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Idyllic Saturday

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Mary Worth, 8/29/20

If you had asked me where I might expect to encounter the line of dialogue “Pain exists. But so does hope,” I would’ve guessed the end of the first act of a big-budget superhero origin story movie, with an anonymous hooded figure staring down at our protagonist and throwing him a rope after he’d been left for dead in a pit somewhere. Our hero climbs out but the figure is gone, but he’s inspired to enter a years-long rigorous training program to make himself into the perfect fighting machine so he can defend his city from the kind of evil-doers who almost killed him, only to discover at the climax of the film that the mysterious leader of the twisted criminal syndicate he’s been trying to defeat is in fact his long-ago rescuer. “We’re not so different, you and I,” intones the Hood as the two of them battle it out on the city’s rooftops. “I made you so you could make me. A shadow cannot exist without the light.” But, you know, it could be an contented retiree making amiable chitchat with a tween as they sit besides the pool on a sunny Southern California day, that would work too!

Hi and Lois, 8/29/20

Today’s Hi and Lois is brought to you by the good people at the International Dairy Foods Association. In These Unprecedented Times℠, Cheese: Now More Than Ever™.

Pluggers, 8/29/20

Pluggers want more tomatoes. More. More tomatoes. Do you think they’ve had enough tomatoes? They’ll tell you when they’ve had enough. There will never be enough. More tomatoes. Bring more tomatoes to them. More. MORE. M O R E

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Soapy Wednesday

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Mary Worth, 8/26/20

Like every good (?) Mary Worth story, the tale of Madi was pretty neatly wrapped up last week but is still going to keep happening for another week or maybe more, who can say, until we’re truly begging for whatever non-adventure they have lined up next. Anyway, do you think Mary’s going to stay in touch with yet another child who spent a summer hanging out with her? Mary did keep up with her wee pal Olive and even visited her in the big apple, but only because Olive was the anointed one who could predict the future, and I’m pretty sure Madi’s secret banana bread recipe knowledge can’t really compare with that.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/26/20

Gotta admire Rene for using a good old fashioned pen to keep track of his victims’ bank account info rather than saving it in a COMPUTER where the FBI can find it and use it as evidence in his trial. Now, is he using his own phone to make these calls, which will therefore be easily traced back to him? Yes, yes he is. But he’s on the right track, and you gotta respect his hustle.

The Phantom, 8/26/20

This nice lady “doesn’t see race”! It’s actually serious psychological and medical condition that makes it difficult for her to fully parse interpersonal relationships and social dynamics.

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Saturday is for closure

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Mary Worth, 8/22/20

Hmm, is this Mary Worth storyline wrapping up? Well, Madi is sitting up straight, making direct eye contact with the reader, and outlining the positive life goals she’s developed for herself, so all signs point to yes! Apparently all you need to cure a young girl’s grief is to listen to her with an open heart and show her that no matter how badly off she is, at least she’s smarter than Toby.

Pluggers, 8/22/20

Speaking of wrapping up, it’s time for longtime chief plugger Gary Brookins to retire from his work on Pluggers. The strip, along with the very notion of pluggerdom, will continue under Rick McKee, so keep sending in those suggestions, folks, we know you want to. Anyway, Gary handed over the keys to the hallowed AOL address to Rick, and he’s decamped over to Instagram, because he’s a god-damned influencer now. See ya, suckers!

The Phantom, 8/22/20

Yes, Bangalla is a thriving post-colonial democracy, with a vibrant economy in which all it takes to get a good-paying job is a personal relationship with the head of the local government-backed paramilitary force, who in turn takes orders from the mysterious, anonymous warlord who holds sway over the nation’s president and operates outside the structures of any democratically responsible institution!