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Shoe, 3/1/18

I can imagine a couple possible genesises (geneses?) for this strip that are vaguely interesting as backstory. For example, this could be an instance of a huffy “look what these DEGENERATE LIBERALS are teaching OUR INNOCENT CHILDREN in GOVERNMENT SCHOOLS.” On the other hand, the fact that Shoe is full of bird-people might mean that the “polly”-“parrot” joke is meant to be understood in that context, and this is a shoutout to Shoe’s hardcore base of bird-o-sexual perverts who will be pleasuring themselves tonight to a vision of getting double-teamed by two brightly colored birds who can mimic human speech, including erotic talk.

Sadly, though, my actual assumption is that this strip has the exact same origin story as every other Shoe strip with the loose structure of “a teacher asks Skyler a question that he responds to ‘humorously’”: it’s an excuse to shoehorn in a joke or a bit of wordplay someone thought up, or maybe heard from somewhere else, and that’s it. Skyler’s expression of profound self-loathing in panel three is a chilling reminder of how everyone involved in the production of this strip feels about it, and themselves.

Mary Worth, 3/1/18

Mary Worth is of course a master of the fine points of etiquette, so I guess roast chicken is the official meal for letting your boyfriend know his friend tried to rape you!

Pluggers, 3/1/18

Pluggers’ bodies are breaking down so gradually that, when they do eventually die, it’s gonna take a while for anyone to notice.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/18

As faithful readers of this blog know, Rex Morgan, M.D., has been a little light on the medical drama, unless you count sleep apnea and dehydration and people dying of cancer off-panel and then leaving their children with randos they knew in 1st grade as medical drama, which, I think it goes without saying, I don’t. Anyway, that’s why I’m excited that Justin, after having a negative reaction to his ham and cheese sandwich, apparently yacked it up onto the floor of the cafeteria, and now is just going to wander off while his friends stand around nervously wondering who’s going to clean up the puddle of barf, because I’m hoping said puddle of barf is swarming with whatever exotic and deadly virus he’s come down with and soon the whole school will be in a state of lockdown. If it just turns into a thing like the story in Stand By Me where one incident of vomiting sparks a chain reaction and everyone in the cafeteria ends up involuntarily puking on one another, that will also be acceptable.

Mary Worth, 2/25/18

Here, everybody, please enjoy the total humiliation of sex creep and “character” Ted Miller, who gets slapped, shoved, and ends up groveling on the floor, wearing one of Mary’s delicious and potentially lucrative muffins as a hat!

Crankshaft, 2/25/18

I’m pretty sure that the unspeakable Something from the basement that devoured Crankshaft and assumed his form is going to turn out to be much less of an asshole.

Beetle Bailey, 2/25/18

“This has to be dealt with,” said Rocky, after General Halftrack overthrew the U.S. government and began abrogating civil liberties. “The General thinks he can get away with anything!” Unfortunately, it turned out he could.

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Hi and Lois, 2/22/18

I’ve always understood the “mood” in “mood music” to be arousal, and that the point of “mood music” is to get one or more parties in the “mood” for sex. So I’m sad to report that Hi has so lost his sense of joie de vivre that he now needs musical assistance to follow through with one of his great joys in life: jerking off to Golf magazine and then falling asleep on the couch.

Mary Worth, 2/22/18

I guess we’re going to do this thing where Mary and Ted continue to talk as if they’re having a normal business conversation while Mary slowly but methodically shatters all the bones in his wrist, and I frankly am here for it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/22/18

Literally this entire week of Rex Morgan, M.D., has been a bunch of teenagers talking about eating lunch, so you’d think by the time they finally got to the climactic panel where a teen bites into a sandwich, they’d be ready to make it look like a normal human would look biting into a fully edible sandwich made of normal sandwich materials. Turns out nope!