Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 6/22/24

My wife and I are aficionados of real, non-microwave popcorn, and there are two ways to make this at home: you can do it in a metal pot on your stove, or you can use an electric air popper. What you can’t do is just leave a big metal pot on the end table next to your couch, not even plugged into the wall, and then doze off and expect popcorn to manifest itself there. Maybe this makes me a “comics curmudgeon” of some sort, but I think things in comic strips should more or less look like the real physical objects they’re supposed to represent. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Family Circus, 6/22/24

OK, sorry, I love it when Jeffy is dumb, but when Billy is? It’s not cute or charming at all. He’s the eldest and he should know better. You can tell Big Daddy Keane is thinking it too. Sure, the metric system is part of the UN one world government conspiracy to undermine American sovereignty, but that doesn’t excuse Billy from learning the absolute most basic and introductory fact about it, c’mon man.

Mary Worth, 6/22/24

Are you, Wilbur? Are you better? Are you better, really? Have you dealt with all your emotional stuff about your exes and your romantic failure and whatever it was that caused you to think it was a good idea to let your friends and family think for a week that you were dead? Or are you just experiencing the endorphin rush of getting some attention, just like the attention you hoped to get by showing up back home after letting everyone think for a week that you were dead? It’s the second one, right? You just like attention? You haven’t grappled with your many emotional and personality problems, at all?

Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/19/24

One of the things one must always be on guard against is the brand of nostalgia that convinces you that the past was always better and that the world we live in is a fallen one. We must instead recognize that every age has its own highs or lows. Do we miss the days when Ian Cameron loomed larger in this strip, veering wildly from smug condescension to bug-eyed rage? Sure, yes, obviously. But current-day Ian’s still got it, as he goes for the one-two punch of “As a professor, I can say with confidence that your dead fish did not experience emotions even when it was alive” and then furiously stage-whispering in hopes that Wilbur will overhear as he solemnly accepts a Mourning Muffin from Mary.

Dick Tracy, 6/19/24

The current Dick Tracy storyline is not interesting enough for me to summarize, but I did think you’d all enjoy this strip, in which the MCU gals have figured out that an attractive lady is somehow tied into their current case and so have decided to download various pictures of her living her best life, print them on glossy photo paper, put them into a manila folder, and hand them over to Dick. The man is happily married but there’s no harm done here, he does not go on the computer and he’s earned this.

Alice, 6/19/24

As far as Alice Lore goes, “Alice accidentally fucked her cousin in college” is not quite as outlandish as “Alice was kidnapped by aliens,” but because it’s more grounded in reality it feels more menacing, I think.

Six Chix, 6/19/24

“Get it? We’re dogs! We literally bark up trees sometimes, even though we now also walk on our hind legs and wear clothes and run medical practices. Anyway, turns out you’re dying, sorry we didn’t figure this out six months ago when we maybe could’ve done something about it.”

Post Content

Blondie, 6/16/24

Even in a recurring narrative, it can be difficult to accommodate the full network of an average person’s social relations into the story, which is why every workplace sitcom that runs for any length of time ends up landing on “all these coworkers actually hang out together constantly outside of work too.” Still, it is kind of odd that we’ve never heard Blondie or Dagwood, who can’t be older than their mid 50s and may be quite a bit younger, ever talk about any of their parents. This implies that they either died young or that they’re estranged, so maybe Dagwood whipping himself into manic glee over the thought that Mr. Dithers serves as an abusive surrogate father figure is an attempt to deflect their conversation from sensitive emotional territory. On the other hand, the fact that Dithers is actually coming over, and the fact that he looks not that different from Dagwood’s father from the Jazz-era strips, hints at an even darker storyline here.

Hi and Lois, 6/16/24

Honestly, mad respect to Hi and Lois for following up on the kids’ decision last month to combine the parent holidays into a single convenient unit. Hi thought they were doing a bit, but they weren’t, and it’s funny because he feels really bad about it!

Mary Worth, 6/16/24

Imagine you got invited to a surprise party, and you’re like, “Oh, is it a surprise birthday party?” and the host says, “No, actually, it’s a surprise fish funeral.” What sort of crowd could you get for that? Well, the answer is “Saul and Eve, who as far as I know haven’t really interacted with Wilbur but are a little pet-mad so they’re game, and Toby and Ian, who probably don’t have a lot else going on.” It does not include Dr. Jeff, who has found the limits to his dignity, and is presumably sullenly waiting in the cabin of his boat, wearing a disguise of some sort in case any of his real friends walk by.