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Mary Worth, 3/27/24

God bless Mary Worth for sticking to its strengths, which is putting ordinary people into compelling situations and having them say things that are sort of like something an actual human would say, but not really — not, like, dramatically off, but, you know, off enough. I know that when I’m feeling down for the next few months, I’m going to be able to cheer myself up my thinking about an actual 20-year-old person announcing “She’s fine! She had a change of heart about cutting me out of her life, and wants to reconnect with me … [extremely dramatic pause] … HER ONLY CHILD!”

Dick Tracy, 3/27/24

Look, I may not be an expert in Little Orphan Annie lore, but I did imprint on Carol Burnett as Miss Hannigan like a baby duck at an early age, so “Ms. Asthma” here had better be already trying to figure out how to profit from this infant’s labor or I’m going to be very upset.

Shoe, 3/27/24

So I guess Skyler’s just going to start telling adults about his grim home life in the hopes that someone will finally call child protective services?

Hi and Lois, 3/27/24

I’m really enjoying Hi and Lois’s facial expressions here. “Well,” they’re thinking, “on the bright side we don’t have to worry about saving up for college for this one.”

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Mary Worth, 3/25/24

Big news, everybody. They did it. They dragged out the Keith storyline and then the Mary and Jeff go on a date transition for so long that here we are at the beginning of a Weston storyline and I’m ready to throw a celebratory party. Maybe it’s just the end of the suffering talking, but I’m actually pretty intrigued that we’re going to get some details on Dawn’s mom! Remember, at least in Wilbur’s feverish memory, she’s an icy Hitchockian blonde obsessed with advancing in high society:

Panel from Mary Worth, 8/4/22

You can check out this post for an in-depth dive into Wilbur’s early ’90s introduction in the strip, when he washed up on the shores of Charterstone as a refugee after being voted out of the house by both his ex and his daughter; but then Dawn discovered that sometimes those who implement a purge during a revolution find themselves similarly purged in a later phase, and she too landed in California. What’s been going on since? What terrible revelations does her mother have to tell her about Wilbur … or about herself? I for one am unreasonably excited to find out!

Gil Thorp, 3/25/24

One thing I don’t feel like I need to know about is Gil’s son’s elite hacking skills. That’s really none of my business and I think it would be very funny if this never gets any follow up, or at least none until the syndicate finally greenlights the Jami Thorp: Cybercriminal spin-off strip.

Alice, 3/25/24

Ahh, first Alice (I will be referring to this woman as “Alice” until proven wrong about it) had to shield her niece and nephews from the horror of alien invasion, and today she learns that she suffers from an awful affliction where she cannot retain memories of happy times, only suffering. Is this strip just a tale of nightmares that never cease?

Daddy Daze, 3/25/24

I like that the opening panel here assures us that the Daddy Daze daddy did indeed take a bite out of this pizza before giving it to his son. I mean, this man is clearly insane, creating an elaborate world where his pre-verbal infant communicates entirely in a series of “ba”s, so it’s totally possible that he lives in a decaying Grey Gardens-style home that is in fact infested with very large mice.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/25/24

Sure, I’ve griped some about this Rex Morgan storyline, but if it ends with this 99-year-old cowboy showing the Count his high-tech mechanical dick, I’m willing to forgive a lot.

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Dennis the Menace, 3/22/24

The most menaced person here is the guy in the background, who spent all day hand-painting this snazzy retro “Information” sign and was just about to proudly show it off to his boss. You just know she’s going to be like “Enh, the kid’s right, maybe it’s a little much.”

Tina’s Groove, 3/22/24

Diving into the world of Tina’s Groove, I’m finding that it’s not just about Tina’s friend, who’s an alcoholic, but actually about alcoholics in general.

Mary Worth, 3/22/24

Jeff, Mary, I can assure you pretty firmly that Gandhi and Desmond Tutu did not have a comfortable retired couple looking out at the moonlit ocean from the boardwalk of their exclusive beachside community in mind when they said these things. I implore you to research what they were actually talking about! You’ve got the free time!

Beetle Bailey, 3/22/24

“He’s super dead. We’re free, Killer! Free!”