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Mary Worth, 7/26/13

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date with Mary Worth Brings The Healing, but … it’s been mostly like this? Mary wants to be remembered well after her death, like her husband, who I’m reasonably sure hasn’t gotten more than a sentence or two’s worth of attention in this strip for more than ten years.

Apartment 3-G, 7/26/13

“So you resisted all treatment from medical professionals for your debilitating mental illness and then … things got better? That’s a scenario that plays out all the time, right?” Man, sometimes Lu Ann really works to make sure we all remember she’s the “dumb one” in this strip.

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Archie, 7/22/13

Wow, I thought Jughead was a compulsive eater because he needed to fill the hole inside him where emotional intimacy should be, but apparently there’s this whole other twisted sadism angle to it too! Notice that Jughead isn’t just condemning this delicious burrito to a gory execution in his mouth, but rather to indefinite detention and torture in his digestive tract, casting himself in the role of some kind of mobile Sarlacc Pit. Does he chuckle to himself, imagining the poor burrito slowly being dissolved in his stomach, screaming in agony and begging for a quicker death? The long string of saliva dribbling from his mouth in panel two adds to the horror. Archie and Betty are right to leave him alone during this disturbing episode.

Family Circus, 7/22/13

I think the thing that bothers me most about Billy’s latest smug-bomb is not that he believes his thoughts are actually valuable, but that he’s dropped the first syllable from “economy,” like he thinks that’s cute or something. “Sorry, grandma, but in this ’conomy we don’t have time to pronounce ‘economy.’ There are valid reasons for this, but if you want to find out what they are, you’re gonna have to pay me.”

Mary Worth, 7/22/13

Hey, Mary, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life or anything, but when you’re saying “I remember when I became a widow … it seems like it was only yesterday,” probably you shouldn’t be rubbing your hands together gleefully.

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Mary Worth, 7/13/13

Hey there, let’s check in on Mary’s desert spa vacation, shall we? She just got out of a life-changing yoga class, and, in possibly related news, is wearing a color-coordinated loose-fitting shirt/pants combo, just like everyone else in the cult compound. The name tags are for easy identification of the bodies, after the mass suicide!

Mark Trail, 7/13/13

Based on Rusty’s posture in the third panel, I’m assuming he’s running at full speed out the door directly at newspaper guy Jason Smith’s solar plexus. “Hi Rusty … I came by to see if you’ve heard anythOOOOOF”