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Mary Worth, 10/23/09

My goodness, is Mary actually admitting that (a) she once didn’t know everything and (b) she once had the capacity for love? This is like hearing Satan mention that he once attended junior high school. Anyway, this anecdote seems to be going to some kind of “and then he died” place that can’t possibly make Adrian feel any better. “So during one of these periods when I was punishing him with my silence for his transgressions, he was killed in a shootout when his police unit was raiding an opium den. I felt terrible about it, for a week or so, but then it passed! What I’m trying to say, dear, is that if you make your heart an icy stone, nothing can hurt you.”

My Cage, 10/23/09

My goodness, I have to admit that when Jeff’s son mentioned yesterday that he’d be playing a character from a comic strip in his school play, Masky McDeath never once occurred to me as a possible candidate. Well played, Ed Power, writer of My Cage! Let us know what it’s like waking up tomorrow with Lisa’s tumor-ridden head in your bed.

Pluggers, 10/23/09

Having already absorbed hipsters and hippies into their collective, pluggers have settled on their next target: preppies. It’s pretty clear now that nobody is safe, and those of us who refuse to settle for life as folksy, semi-literate furries need to start preparing for the final, apocalyptic war for survival.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/23/09

Can’t you just hear the little metaphorical lightbulb switching on over Earrings O’Punk’s shaved, off-screen noggin in the final panel in this strip? I certainly hope the denouement of this plot finds him at the crooked old folks home, feigning dementia to score free meals. He deserves a happy ending, as he’s by far the most sympathetic character in this storyline.

Marmaduke, 10/23/09

Marmaduke’s owner was hoping that he would “take care” of the town’s homelessness problem by going down to the shelter and devouring all the hapless hobos. Instead, he’s assembled a pack of stray dogs who will urinate on every single piece of furniture that his owners possess.

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Pluggers, 10/16/09

Guys, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been spending a lot of time on Pluggers this week — but how could I not, as it’s been so hilarious and poignant by turns? The work week ends with a real emotional wallop: a devastating look inside a wholly dormant plugger marriage. It’s hard to know where to even begin with this: the utter absence of sexual passion being the punchline of the little switcheroo joke; the idea that you would attempt to speed your spouse’s unconsciousness so that you could be alone with the television’s icy glow; the vision of a portly bear-man sitting on the couch, silently watching infomercials or Cops reruns, his kangaroo-wife drunkenly passed out next to him with wine stains on her tattered robe, and the bear-man thinks, “You know, I’m lucky! I’m really, really lucky!” It makes the apocalyptic paranoia of the cold war look downright cheerful.

Mary Worth, 10/16/09

I will never apologize for dwelling on Mary Worth as long as I please, however, especially when it focuses on fraught scenes like this. Adrian may be marrying a vegetable, or a corpse, but Scott will be Dr. Jeff’s son-in-law, do you hear me? He’s given his blessing. There is no turning back.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/16/09

I have no idea what this little interaction is supposed to be about — perhaps this woman is a cancer survivor with many Feelings to Process? At any rate, she seems to have decided that Les is creepy and weird and she doesn’t want him touching her, which pretty much makes her my personal hero.

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Gil Thorp, 10/15/09

Let’s give some credit where credit is due: Good on Marty Moon, for hauling himself out of the gutter! It wasn’t easy, being fired from his own public access cable show, but it’s only a few weeks into the season and he’s already graduated from his broadcast-quality wooden box to television, or at least something that requires cameras of some sort. (Maybe he has a YouTube channel now?) Or, well, at least I think that weird blob at the middle left of the first panel, hovering just above the nameless Mudlark gingerly checking for head injuries, is supposed to be a camera. If it isn’t, why are Gil and Marty looking at some off-panel third party in panel two, rather than at each other? I suppose that could just be because of their seething mutual disdain, but why does Marty appear to be wearing some sort of toupee? You don’t need a hairpiece for the radio.

Mary Worth, 10/15/09

Oh my goodness, what secret bedside task must Dr. Jeff perform to resolve this tragic drama? Will he:

• Gruffly demand that Scott not die because “God damn it, someone has to marry Adrian! I’m tired of seeing her mopey face and dumb bowl cut every day!”
• Tearfully beg Scott to admit that “your father talked about me, right? He knew that he meant the world to me? That I never forgot him? Please, I need to know!”
• Use the magical healing powers he learned in “medical school,” which no other employee of this hospital attended.
• Ever so gently lift Scott into his arms, so that he can reach underneath him and feel around for his wallet.

Pluggers, 10/15/09

Why, it’s day one of entries from a new generation of tech-savvy pluggers! Today we learn that such pluggers wake up screaming every night, haunted by visions of fiery atomic death.