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They’ll Do It Every Time, 4/4/06

Points to ponder:

• I suppose “Just before the battle” is meant to presage the epic struggle between “mother” and “hubby” (and oh, the creepiness of that pair of terms) over his warranty-renewal ineptness, but doesn’t it sort of sound like they were planning on settling in for the night to watch the war for the evening? “Damn it, the assault on Fallujah is on tonight! They say it’s gonna be the biggest thing since the Tet Offensive!”
• Can you actually renew a warrantee? Isn’t the whole point that it just lasts for a limited time, because otherwise nobody would ever buy anything new?
• Does anyone get a TV set repaired anymore? Even if you’ve “renewed your warrantee” somehow, don’t they just send you a new one?
• What laws of physics would allow hubby to produce those cloud-like motion lines behind his head and back?
• Are the Barfwells one of the millions of American families without HEALTH INSURANCE? Did they decide to buy an enormous TV on weird skinny legs instead of comprehensive health coverage?
• “Barfwell”?

Discuss.

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Lou may not cotton to this whole “exercise” scam, but maybe he and Wilbur can get together to discuss their shared love of gelatinous, featureless blobs of ecru food-style substance?

At least Lou can get it near enough to his mouth, though it looks like he’s going to have to unhinge his jaw to swallow it one gulp the way you know he wants to.

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Mary Worth, 3/24/06

So wait, the new Mary Worth storyline is about the sex lives of unattractive middle-aged empty nesters? Oh, hell, no, I am not down for that. You hear me, Mary Worth? You’re on your own if you go down that road.

[Long pause.]

Oh, we both know I don’t mean that.

Also:

Non Sequitur and panels from Fox Trot, 3/24/06

A comic pooping double-score today. Niiice.

Also also: Why do cartoon moms get all gothy before bed? It’s kinda creepin’ me out.

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Mary Worth, 3/15/06

So, presumably because of outraged letters from portly advice columnists everywhere, Mary Worth has jettisoned its Wilbur-gets-sued storyline like so much ballast from a bald-headed hot air balloon. This week we’ve gotten a new saga starting up, with trophy wife Toby Cameron making awkward attempts to befriend Charterstone’s resident meddler. What with her husband being roughly Mary’s age, you’d think that she’d know how to talk politely to old people. Instead, she not only refers to Mary as being of “a certain age,” but condescendingly pledges not to “outwalk” her on her young, sexy, coltish legs. Maybe those “passive-aggressive hostility quotes” fly right over the head of your blowhard chinbeard of a husband, Toby, but Mary Worth does not miss a trick. See that weird hand gesture she’s making in the second panel? She’s about to grab you by the ear and drag your skinny blonde ass out the door.

Meanwhile, over in Rex Morgan, Dr. Troy McHomosexual finally makes his move:

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/15/06

Can you imagine how dissapointed Rex is going to be? The only reason he went out on this damn jaunt was to get some action, but I think he’s about to get an Amway pitch instead.

Oh, one more thing: Some readers might think that I’ve hemmed myself in a bit by focusing my blog on just the comics. Heck, sometimes I feel restricted myself. But I honestly believe that the best blogs — both the best ones to read and the most rewarding ones to write — are the ones where there is a single thread that holds things together. With that in mind, I give you a comics blog I discovered today with much more of a laser-beam focus than I could ever hope to provide:

The Silent Penultimate Panel Watch

SPPW: We salute your extreme specificity.