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Mary Worth, 7/7/05

I’m beginning to think we’ve all treated Rita a little harshly. I mean, sure, she’s a belligerent, foul-mouthed drunk, but she’s got good reason to be: her daughter’s dead and she’s been kicked out of her apartment and forced to beg for help from someone she barely knows.

Mary Worth, on the other hand, is crazy. I mean, if I were in Rita’s shoes and Mary suddenly pulled this swan routine on me, I’d be all like, “Damn, girl, my life is f’ed up, but you are wack. Go on with your crazy-ass swan-having self.” I like the way that Mary is framed by the inky blackness of … well, whatever it is she’s standing in front of (is that the shadow of the door?) and surrounded by a glowing aura of widowish piety. And are those porcelain swans, or plastic, or … I mean, does she play with them in the bathtub or something? I’m getting more creeped out with each passing moment.

Do you suppose Dr. Jeff’s met the swans? I think I’d like to see the strip where he does, because I’d like to see him cry.

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I’m back from Cali but swamped with work — probably won’t have time to get a real new post up for a day or two. Still, for those of you who didn’t click on the link in the comments: faithful reader Mooncity had some free time and loads of talent and put together:

the adventures of … THE COCKTAIL!

Definitely one of the coolest bits of fanart ever. Moon, let me know if it’s OK to download to my site so I can add it to the “best of commentors material” that I’m gonna put together, you know, any day now.

Update: Uh-oh, I think we’ve overwhelmed Mooncity’s feeble Geocities account. Moon (or anyone else who has it): please e-mail me the graphic and I’ll post it here!

Update to the update: OK, I’ve got the graphic on my own hardy servers now — the link above should work again.

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Mary Worth, 6/30/05

All bets and Comics Curmudgeon conventions are off as long as Rita’s drunken rage persists, folks. Forget the rest of the comics. There’s just all of you, and me, and Rita, and this poor, terrified waiter. And why shouldn’t he be terrified? Rita’s just sort of waving her arms around drunkenly, but she’s managed to manifest some sort of telekenetic surge of power that’s blasting out of her collarbone and right into the tray. This energy, no doubt a living expression of sheer pettiness, seems to have enveloped our server in a glowing nimbus of mysterious luminescence, and transformed what was a harmless highball into a liquid creature that’s reaching hungrily for his face. More than anything else, it looks to me like the origin story for some kind of booze-oriented superhero. “Brett thought that he was working an ordinary dinner shift. He couldn’t imagine that by the end of that fateful evening, a brush with a toxically alcoholic patron would transform him into … The Cocktail!”

Also, is it just me, or does our hapless waiter look like a character from Pathetic Geek Stories? The wide eyes, the open mouth with all the teeth … hmm.

Of course, even though I can’t take my eyes away from Mary Worth, this little gem didn’t get past me:

This panel is now my new official heading for the bill-paying section of my sidebar menu. Comedy, thy name is old people in Gil Thorp.