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Gil Thorp, 10/21/22

Look, we all know that there’s supposed to be an apostrophe in “Yonkers,” and the joke is that Madame Yonker’s fever is up, meaning she’s sick, but wouldn’t it be funnier if that weren’t the case? “What’s up is Madame Yonkers Fever, the latest craze where we all take turns pretending to be ‘Madame Yonkers,’ a French teacher that we made up! C’mon, Gil, join in on the fun! It’s been in Time and Newsweek, and, I assume, on TikTok.”

Dick Tracy, 10/21/22

So Steelface is the guy whose nephew is doing Vitamin’s comics play, and his particular criminal gimmick is that he’s running some kind of auto theft ring, and, unrelated, has a metal face. Today’s strip is particularly evocative: despite working in the shadowy underworld, Steelface still speaks the language of modern capitalism, in which the vehicles at the heart of his operation are reduced to mere “units” that must be “processed,” and processed more efficiently to boot. Goodwin tries to play along, but he still sees each stolen car as a unique individual and dares to share his truth with his boss and let him know what makes each of them special.

Mary Worth, 10/21/22

Sure, dating a younger man seems cool: the sex is great, and they’re more likely to have made millions from their app startup than someone your age. But there are downsides: they’re much more prone to dying in an Instagram-related accident before your very eyes. Beware!

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/18/22

Yesterday, we learned that dogs are granted an automatic free pass into Paradise by God himself, overriding even the authority of binding and loosing granted to Saint Peter. But we were already aware of the Grimm exception to this blanket policy. Anyway, Grimm, the beloved title character of Mother Goose and Grimm, is being tormented in hell, due to sins of violence so numerous and extreme that they shocked even Satan, the Great Adversary, himself.

Mary Worth, 10/18/22

Oh, sorry, were you gleefully hoping that Iris’s rejection of Zak’s marriage proposal would throw their cross-generational romance into a tailspin? Well, you thought wrong! They’re out enjoying nature, and each other’s bodies, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Suck it, haters!

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Mary Worth, 10/9/22

Oh, God, remember when Tommy proposed to his girlfriend with an onion ring but she rejected him and then thought he had lapsed back into his druggie ways (he hadn’t) so she dumped him and then he sent an extremely ill-advised email but she took him back anyway because he got a part-time job as a hall monitor in a high school? Well, now his mother is the one doing the rejecting! Ha ha, those Beedles, they just can’t figure this marriage thing out. Anyway, I can’t really remember if Tommy and Zak have ever interacted, but I can see some real emotionally fraught bonding coming up! Hopefully they’ll invite Iris’s ex, Wilbur, a guy who knows a thing or two about having his marriage proposals rejected. “You ever think about faking your own death, Zak?” he’ll slur after several drinks too many. “Chicks love that shit, trust me.”

Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/9/22

I’ve always assumed that Count Weirdly is a more or less ordinary human whose green skin is the result of some sort of genetic mutation that occurred around the time the animals took over, but now that we’ve learn that his father, who was alive during hippie times, also had green skin, and also there were four of him, I have a lot more questions on the subject.